Room For Squares
by abbierena
Summary: Sixteen-year-old Alex Cabot is forced to leave her cozy suburb for the big city. She feels lost and alone until she comes in contact with Olivia, the mysterious girl she can't help having a crush on.
1. No Such Thing

**A/N: So this is an idea that came to me while listening to John Mayer's "Room For Squares" CD. I have no idea why, but I kept picturing a young Alex and Olivia while listening to the CD. I'm not sure if this is considered a songfic, but each chapter is going to be loosely based on different songs from that CD. I just won't be using lyrics in the story other than the one at the beginning. With that being said, I hope you enjoy it. :)**

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><p>"<em>They love to tell you 'stay inside the lines,' but something's better on the other side."<em>

Alex Cabot had spent the first 16 years of her life in a suburb of Boston called Framingham. It wasn't the most exciting place to grow up, but she felt comfort in the fact that she knew her neighbors and they knew her. There were block parties every Fourth of July, Christmas light competitions every December, and at least one 'haunted' house every Halloween. Alex didn't grow up on an estate but her house was luxurious with a backyard large enough for a swingset and a tree house. It was the only house she had ever lived in and she had imagined someday bringing her children to that house whenever they wanted to visit their grandparents. All of that changed when her dad called for a family meetings two months ago. His company had offered him a promotion and Alex was so happy for her dad that she suggested they go out to celebrate. He then told her that he'd be promoted but not within the firm in Boston. They were being relocated to Manhattan and her dad's assistant had already found an apartment for them. An apartment? Images of living in a high-rise building started to fill Alex's mind. It didn't matter to her how nice the building would be, it was still a building instead of a house. She knew she'd have to say goodbye to her treehouse, making a snowman in the front yard, and most importantly she'd have to say goodbye to her friends and her school.

Her family had moved into their apartment on a Friday and Mrs. Cabot immediately took Alex to school to register. Alex tried to reserve judgement, but she felt nervous the moment she walked into the building. This school was nothing like her school in Framingham. The principal and the teachers didn't know her name and she didn't have a single friend in that entire state. She was only there to register and she was already dreading what Monday would bring.

She spent that entire weekend unpacking her things and decorating her room. Her room was bigger than the one she had at her house, but when it came to bedrooms Alex felt that bigger meant that it wasn't as cozy. She hung up pictures of her friends and the Boston skyline, but it still didn't feel like home.

Even though she did nothing more than unpack and decorate her room, Alex didn't want the weekend to end. She knew once Monday arrived, it would be time for her to start attending a new school. Alex wouldn't have minded as much if she were starting a new school in September, but this was February. The second semester was well underway and everyone was already settled in their classes. Alex had begged her parents to let her finish the 11th grade at her old school, but her parents told her it was out of the question. They weren't going to let her live with her best friend even though her best friend's parents had already told Alex she was welcome to live with them for the remainder of the school year.

That's how Alex found herself in unfamiliar territory on a cold Monday morning in February. She walked the halls of her new high school clutching her schedule as if her life depended on it. At the beginning of every class, there was the obligatory introduction that Alex dreaded. She knew that no one was interested in her or hearing about the suburb that she came from. These students were from New York and Alex knew that nothing of her old life would impress them. Instead of being teased, Alex was merely ignored, which she felt was even worse than being teased. At least if she were teased, it meant people were actually acknowledging her existence.

Alex thought she was destined to spend her lunch period alone until a tall brunette girl with a basketball hoodie and loose sweatpants approached her.

"I'm Sarah," she said. "You must be new here."

"How could you tell?" Alex asked and started smiling. "Is it the fact that I'm sitting here alone?"

"Well, that and your clothes," Sarah said. "You look like you belong in prep school. A sweater vest, pleated skirt, and a blazer? Just wear some jeans or something tomorrow."

"I'll keep that in mind," Alex said. "The name's Alexandra, but you can call me Alex."

"Where are you from, Alex?"

"A suburb of Boston called Framingham."

"Never heard of it."

"No one has," Alex told her.

"You shouldn't be sitting alone," Sarah insisted. "I sit with my friends from the basketball team. I promise they aren't bitchy. You can join us if you'd like unless you want to try to get in good with the preppy girls. They're eyeing you like you're a Barbie doll they can makeover."

"Lead me to your table," Alex said quickly. The last thing she wanted was to be a new project for the preppy girls even though her clothes weren't too different from the ones they were wearing, except for the fact that theirs probably cost about three times as much.

When Alex approached the table with Sarah, she felt as if all eyes were on her.

"This is Alex," Sarah said. "She just moved here from Boston."

All six of the girls took turns introducing themselves to Alex and she tried to commit their names to memory. The girl that stood out to Alex was one named Olivia. Olivia said nothing more than "Hi, I'm Olivia," before returning to her copy of _Sports Illustrated_. Alex tried to strike up a conversation with her, but Olivia seemed disinterested.

"So, do you have a game today?" Alex asked.

"Yes," Olivia responded.

"I'd love to see you play."

"Then come to the game," Olivia said nonchalantly before getting up to leave.

"Don't mind Olivia," Sarah said to Alex. "She must like you. That's the most I've heard her talk to someone who wasn't on the team."

"Is she okay?" Alex asked.

"She's just a private person," Sarah told her.

Something about the words 'private person' intrigued Alex. The girls at her old school were like an open book. She had never met anyone as mysterious as Olivia and she was willing to do anything she could to find out about her. Alex knew nothing about basketball, but she was willing to learn if it meant getting to watch Olivia.

While she was at the game, she saw a banner in the gym for each varsity sport that listed the years they had won championships. Apparently, her school was known for its girls' basketball team. They had dominated throughout the '90s, 2000, 2001, and they were hoping for another championship in 2002.

Alex tried to pay attention to the game, but she couldn't focus on anything other than Olivia. Unlike the other girls who had braids or ponytails, Olivia's hair was cropped and required a lot less upkeep. She wasn't as tall as some of the other girls on the team, but that didn't prevent her from excelling at the sport. Olivia was known for her ability to shoot free throws and she could run faster than most of the girls on the team. Without noticing, Alex started licking her lips when she saw the beads of sweat start to form on Olivia's brow. Alex may have had crushes before, but this was the first time she ever felt obsessed with a girl she barely knew.

After the game, she made her way over to Olivia as she was chugging water from a water bottle.

"Congratulations," Alex said.

"For what?" Olivia asked.

"For shooting that winning free throw."

"Oh," Olivia said nonchalantly. "Thanks."

"You looked really good out there," Alex said and started blushing.

"Thanks," Olivia responded and gently touched Alex's cheek. "You're kinda cute when you blush. I'll admit it was hard to concentrate on the game."

"Why?" Alex asked.

"Because you kept staring at me."

"Sorry," Alex said and started blushing even more. "I wasn't aware."

"Don't be sorry," Olivia told her. "Feel free to stare whenever you want. I have to get home. See you around, I guess."

"Yeah, see you around," Alex said even though Olivia was already on her way out of the gym.

When Alex got home, her parents questioned her whereabouts and asked about school. She told them about the basketball game and how she made friends with some of the girls from the team. She wanted to mention Olivia, but she knew her parents' rules about dating. Olivia hadn't asked her out and she probably never would, but simply mentioning a crush would turn into a lecture. Alex wasn't allowed to date until she was 17 and there was no way around that rule. As unfair as it seemed, she was glad that her parents had lowered it from 18, which is what they originally said was a perfect age for their daughter to start dating. On top of that, any girl that wanted to date Alex would first have to ask permission from her parents.

Alex had planned on calling her friends that night, but she couldn't get herself to focus on anything other than Olivia. She wanted to call her, but she didn't have her phone number. She didn't even know her last name or anything about her other than she was great-looking and could shoot free throws.

"This is hopeless," Alex told herself. She put her pajamas on and decided to go to bed earlier than usual. The sooner she fell asleep, the sooner she'd be able to wake up and see Olivia.


	2. Why Georgia

**A/N: A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to their favorites and story alerts. That really means a lot to me and I'm glad you're enjoying it. :)**

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><p>"<em>The kind of morning that lasts all afternoon, just stuck inside the gloom."<em>

Alex's first week of school was a blur in which each day was no different than the last. She went to class on time and kept to herself until lunch. Even though she had people to sit with at lunch, she still didn't feel as if she had friends. The girls would all talk about basketball except for Olivia who hardly talked at all. Alex tried to initiate conversations with her, but Olivia would still give one word answers or act disinterested. Sometimes, she would just get up and leave during the middle of lunch without telling anybody. Alex was worried about her, so she decided to ask Sarah, not that she was any help. Sarah noticed that Olivia was becoming even more distant, but she didn't know why. She had said Olivia was a private person, but Alex felt as if there was more to it than Olivia being a private person. Since she wasn't going to get any answers from Olivia's friends, she decided to get some answers for herself.

On Friday, she decided to follow Olivia home after school. She was careful to remain undetected by Olivia, which wasn't difficult because Olivia never walked home without her headphones on. Alex was curious about what kind of music Olivia listened to, but she knew if she asked at lunch Olivia would just say something along the lines of, "Everything, I guess."

By following Olivia, Alex learned that she never went directly home after school. She'd stop at a desolate outdoor basketball court, or at least it used to be a basketball court. It now had cracks in the asphalt and the net was gone, leaving nothing but a hoop. As a member of the girls' varsity team, Olivia had full use of the basketball court at school, but for some reason she preferred to play on that particular rundown, abandoned court. After watching her, Alex began to realize why. Olivia liked to be alone and this court was a place that not too many people knew about. It was her escape from whatever was bothering her, whatever was making her become even more distant than she already was.

Alex watched as Olivia shot one free throw after another. There were no victory dances or pretending to call a game like other people did. Instead, Olivia just shot free throws from the same spot without saying a word or even smiling when she'd sink a free throw. Alex noticed that she showed no emotion when she succeeded, but she'd become angry and start to insult herself whenever she'd miss a shot. The insults Olivia directed toward herself made Alex want to cry. She had heard girls belittle themselves about trivial matters, but the insults coming out of Olivia's mouth were unlike anything Alex had ever heard before and she started to wonder if someone else was saying these things to her. She noticed that Olivia never cried when she insulted herself. Instead, she was angry and she started throwing her basketball as hard as she could against a nearby wall. When it would bounce back, Olivia would just throw it harder and harder until she couldn't take it anymore. Alex wanted to intervene, but she was afraid of what Olivia would say. With Olivia, it was better to be patient and cherish the small victories. She knew if Olivia were to see that she was following her, she'd lose any chance she could ever have with her.

Alex didn't get home until after 9 that night. She ate a quick dinner and went over to her room. The first thing Alex did was log into her email account, but once she saw that she had no new messages in her inbox, she began to wish she hadn't even bothered. She had e-mailed her friends in Framingham throughout the week and not a single one of them had responded to any of her e-mails. Alex thought about what weekends were like back home. They'd either go to the mall in Natick or out to the movies to watch some horrible teen movie that Alex would hate and her friends would rave about. Either way, her friends would end up spending over $100 of their parents' money each weekend. Alex loved her friends, but she didn't fit in with them. Instead of being handed money, Alex earned a weekly allowance that was nowhere near $100. The more she thought about her friends, the more she felt as if they lacked depth. She wanted Olivia, even if she could only have her as a friend, she knew it was better than not having her in her life at all.

The next morning, Alex decided to go back to that abandoned basketball court in hopes that Olivia would be there. It was only 10 o'clock, but Olivia was already shooting free throws. Her short hair was completely covered by an olive green beanie and she was wearing the same sweatsuit that all of the girls on the team wore. Alex was freezing and she wanted Olivia to hold her close for warmth, but she knew that would never happen. Olivia wasn't even aware that Alex was watching her. She stood out of sight for another half an hour before she finally decided to make her presence known.

"I feel like I'm watching the next Lisa Leslie," Alex said as she approached the court.

"I'm not trying to be the next anyone," Olivia said without even turning around to look at Alex. "How did you know I was here?"

"I followed you yesterday after school," Alex admitted even though she knew it would upset Olivia.

"Are you stalking me now?" Olivia asked angrily.

"No, I just–"

"No offense, Alex, but this is where I come when I want to be alone."

"But you always want to be alone," Alex said. "Why is that?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Olivia told her. "And I really don't want to talk to _you_ right now."

"Okay, I get the hint," Alex said. She tried not to let Olivia's comment get to her, but it was pointless. She started crying right there in front of Olivia.

Olivia stood motionless for a few seconds before she finally acknowledged the fact that Alex was crying. "Oh, no. You're crying? I hate it when girls cry."

"I'm sorry," Alex managed to say as she was wiping her tears.

"Don't be sorry," Olivia said. "Come here."

Alex hurried over to Olivia, completely unaware of what was going to happen next. Once Alex was standing in front of her, Olivia hugged her and let her cry into her shoulder. As juvenile as it sounded, she didn't want the moment to end. She'd never admit it to anyone, but the happiness she felt for merely being hugged by Olivia made her cry even more.

"I think you're the only girl who looks pretty even when she cries," Olivia told her. She wasn't sure if Olivia was being sincere, but at that point it didn't matter. Alex lifted her head off of Olivia's shoulder and started to smile at her.

"Thanks," Alex told her.

"I was being honest," Olivia insisted. She walked over to a nearby bench and motioned for Alex to take a seat next to her.

"It's not you who made me cry," Alex admitted. "Don't get me wrong, your comment contributed to it, but that's not the only reason."

"What are the other reasons?"

"They don't matter now," Alex said.

"Your friends from Farmingtown?" Olivia asked.

"Framingham," Alex corrected. "And yes. They've been ignoring me. They don't respond to my e-mails or my phone calls."

"Then they aren't your friends," Olivia said nonchalantly. "Just stick with Sarah and the girls. They're...genuine."

"What if I want to stick with you?"

"Don't waste your time with me," Olivia insisted.

"You're not a waste of time," Alex told her, but Olivia just started laughing and then returned to shooting free throws. Alex loved the sound of Olivia's laugh; she just wished Olivia was laughing for a different reason.

"Hey!" Alex shouted to get Olivia's attention. "Hey!"

It was no use. Alex decided to take matters into her own hands and walk over to Olivia. She grabbed the ball from Olivia's hands and set it down next to them.

"What now?" Olivia asked angrily. She had known her less than a week and Alex was already used to Olivia's mood swings. Instead of giving in and using that same, angry tone of voice, Alex just put her hands on Olivia's waist and looked into her eyes. For once, Olivia wasn't fighting her and Alex could have sworn that Olivia started to tremble.

"You're not a waste of time," Alex told her. "I know you're not going to believe me, but you're the reason I look forward to waking up each morning."

Alex had no idea what kind of reaction to expect from Olivia, but she had wanted it to be better than the smirk that Olivia ended up giving her. She had poured her heart out to her and all she was given in return was a smirk. Alex had tried to be understanding, but she had reached her limit.

"I should go," Alex said hesitantly.

"Yeah."

"I guess I'll see you Monday," Alex told her as she turned around to leave.

"Alex?" Olivia said after hesitating for a few seconds.

"What?"

"Do you want to go to lunch tomorrow?" Olivia asked and Alex felt her heartbeat racing.

"Like on a date?" Alex asked. "I can't date yet."

"It's not a date," Olivia insisted. "It's a group outing."

"Oh," Alex told her. "My parents would be fine with that."

"Cool," Olivia said and started smiling. "Just don't tell them I'm not inviting a group."


	3. My Stupid Mouth

**A/N: Once again, thanks for the reviews and comments. They really made my day. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. :)**

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><p>"<em>I'm never speaking up again; it only hurts me. I'd rather be a mystery than she desert me."<em>

The next morning, Alex woke up before her alarm started to ring. The alarm was set for 9 o'clock, but an overly excited Alex woke up at 8. She was supposed to meet Olivia at noon at a little diner that the girls frequented after basketball practice. Alex had never been there, but all of the girls swore by it, especially Sarah. Alex had called her the moment she got home yesterday to tell her the good news. She was itching to tell someone and she knew she couldn't tell her mother and her friends in Framingham didn't care, so she decided to call Sarah. Calling Sarah was not only a way for Alex to share her good news; it was also beneficial. Sarah had known Olivia for over ten years and, although she didn't know _everything_ about her, she knew more about Olivia than any of the other girls did.

She had asked Sarah for pointers on how to date Olivia and Sarah started laughing because she knew that Alex's worries were justified. She told her that Olivia had been asked out by guys and one or two girls, but she had always said no. Never before had she asked someone out on a date, so that must have meant that Alex was special to her. Alex started smiling when she heard that, but her happiness was short-lived. She started to feel as if even more pressure was on her now because she was the first girl that Olivia had ever asked on a date. She asked what she should wear and Sarah had told her to keep it casual because Olivia wasn't the type to pay attention to what girls wore. She said that Olivia would have the same reaction to her regardless of whether she was wearing a short dress or a t-shirt and jeans. Sarah insisted that Olivia was interested in getting to know _Alex _and not her wardrobe. She also said that Olivia wasn't interested in lingerie models or porn stars. Alex had no idea what that meant and Sarah could sense it, so she told her that Olivia was annoyed by girls who tried too hard to be seductive. Olivia preferred the girl next door type, which was a great relief for Alex. With her glasses and A-cup chest, she felt far from being a lingerie model or a porn star. Alex asked about conversation topics and Sarah started laughing again. They both knew having a conversation with Olivia was rare and if you were able to get her to talk about a subject that didn't upset her you should stick with it.

Alex kept all of this in mind as she got ready for her date with Olivia. She had originally wanted to wear a skirt and boots, but she opted for a pair of jeans and an olive green sweater. She found some brown flats under her bed and decided to put those on. She wore her hair straight and parted in the middle and her make-up was natural-looking; only brown mascara and chapstick. Alex thought she looked cute, but nowhere near sexy, which was a good thing if she wanted to attract Olivia.

At 11:30, Alex was ready to leave, but her mom decided otherwise. It had been days since they had a conversation with each other and she had chosen the worst possible time to touch base with her daughter. Alex began to assess the situation and think of possible answers for all of the questions she knew her mother was going to ask. Since she was dressed casually, she knew her mother wouldn't ask her about dating. Or so she thought.

"Are you going out again?" Mrs. Cabot asked with a smile on her face that started to make Alex nervous.

"Yes," Alex said casually.

"You've been smiling a lot since yesterday. Is there a new young woman in your life? Alex, you know you can tell me these things. If you like a girl, I want to know about her."

"I don't like anyone," Alex insisted. It was a lie, but there was no way she was going to have that conversation right now.

"It's normal for you to like a girl, Alex," Mrs. Cabot told her. "You're 16 and you're going to be having crushes. I just don't want you having a girlfriend yet."

"I know, Mom," Alex said. "And I don't have a girlfriend. I've never even kissed a girl. I just need to hang out with girls from school so I can make friends. It's important. I'm not going anywhere other than a diner with some of the girls. I'll have my phone on, so if you want to check in with me, you can. I promise I'll answer, just please let me go."

"Go on," Mrs. Cabot said after seeing the look of desperation in her daughter's eyes.

Alex arrived at the diner on time and saw Olivia sitting at a booth with her trademark olive green beanie. What she didn't expect to see was Sarah and her boyfriend there. She also didn't expect to see Olivia smiling.

"Hey," Olivia said nonchalantly to Alex.

"Hi," Alex replied nervously.

"This is Shawn," Olivia said, introducing Sarah's boyfriend.

"You must be Alex," Shawn said as he shook Alex's hand. "Olivia was just saying she wants to jump your bones."

"What?" Alex asked, surprised.

"Shawn and Sarah were just _leaving_," Olivia said and started glaring at Shawn.

"Are you busy next weekend?" Shawn asked Alex.

"No," Alex said. "Why?"

"Next weekend is Olivia's birthday," he informed her. "And we're having a co-ed slumber party for her. The problem is the birthday girl is the only one without a date."

"You dirty son of a bitch," Olivia said and started laughing. "Alex, ignore him. We aren't having a sleepover. We're just hanging out at Sarah's and you're welcome to come."

"I bet you'll make her come," Shawn said and winked at Olivia. Alex and Sarah didn't understand what was happening, but Olivia just shook her head and smirked at him.

"Grow up," she told him.

Sarah pulled Alex aside and apologized for intruding on their date. Alex said she didn't mind and she was glad to see Olivia smiling so much. Sarah had told her the reason she was there with Shawn was to put Olivia at ease for their date. Sarah knew that Olivia liked Alex, but she wasn't ready to completely let her in. Shawn, despite how immature he may be, was the only person who could make Olivia laugh and the only person Olivia fully trusted. When Alex asked why, Sarah told her it was because they "get" each other and have a similar home life. Alex wanted to know what that meant, but Sarah said she didn't know because neither Shawn nor Olivia would say anything about it.

When Alex returned to the booth where Olivia was now sitting alone, she saw that Olivia was all smiles.

"I ordered us Oreo milkshakes. I was going to get lunch, but I figure we should have something small, go to the movies after this, and then we can go out to dinner. By the way, your outfit is missing something," Olivia said the moment Alex sat down. She took off her beanie and reached across the table to put it on Alex. "I like the way it looks on you."

"Thanks," Alex said. "Are you excited for your birthday?"

"Not really," Olivia told her. "It's just 17. I'm not turning 18 or 21."

"I can't wait until I'm 17," Alex said. "That's when I can actually have a girlfriend."

"When is your birthday?" Olivia asked.

"March 17," Alex responded. "St. Patrick's Day."

"That's in a month," Olivia pointed out. "Your parents think one month makes a difference? It's not like you're going to change all of a sudden. Who you are today at 16 years and 11 months is the same person you're going to be at 17."

"It's just a rule, but I know they are looking out for me," Alex said in their defense. "When did your parents let you start dating?"

"I never had a set age," Olivia told her. "My mom doesn't care about things like that."

"How about your dad?" Alex asked. "I know dads are more strict about how old their little girls are when they date. At least mine is."

"I don't have a dad," Olivia admitted.

"Everyone does," Alex said.

"Can we change the subject?" Olivia asked.

"Why are you so closed off?" Alex asked even though she knew Olivia was becoming frustrated.

"Alex, drop it."

"No, Olivia. You can't hide yourself from the world forever. You're so beautiful and talented and I know deep down you don't want to keep things a secret anymore. Why don't you tell me anything?"

"Because you're nothing to me," Olivia said coldly. She grabbed some money from her wallet and tossed it on the table. When she made sure she had enough to cover what she had ordered, she got up from the table and left without saying another word to Alex.

Alex sat motionless for a couple of minutes. During that time, she began processing what had just happened. She wished she would have taken Sarah's advice. Sarah had told her that Olivia had a home life that she didn't like to talk about, yet Alex didn't listen. She kept prying into a topic that really was none of her business. She knew Olivia was right; she was nothing to her. She wasn't her girlfriend and she really wasn't even her friend. She had no right to ask those questions. Alex knew she should just let Olivia go, but she couldn't. She never saw herself as the type of person who would chase after a girl, but there was something different about Olivia that made Alex know she was worth it.

Alex got up from the table and hurried out of the diner. Olivia was almost out of sight, but that didn't stop Alex. She took off running as fast as she could to catch up to her.

"Olivia!" she called out and was surprised that Olivia turned around.

"What?"

There were so many things that Alex wanted to say. She wanted to apologize. She wanted to tell her that she'd never pry into her home life again. She even wanted to tell her that she'd do anything to be with her, but no words were able to come out of her mouth. Instead, she did what she felt was the next best thing. She leaned in and kissed Olivia right then and there.

"What did I just do?" Alex asked. Never did she think she'd be gutsy enough to kiss Olivia on a street corner in front of everyone.

"I don't know," Olivia responded. "But you're not very good at it."

"Well, neither are you," Alex said defensively.

"I've never kissed anyone. What's _your _excuse?"

"I've never kissed anyone either."

"Maybe you need more practice," Olivia suggested.

"We both do," Alex told her. "Maybe we should practice with each other."

"I need to go home," Olivia said. "I'm sorry. I just...I need to think."

"Want your beanie?" Alex asked. She was about to take it off of her head, but Olivia stopped her.

"Keep it. Like I said, it looks good on you."

"Thanks," Alex said and started smiling.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"One more for the road," Olivia said and kissed Alex. It was a quick kiss, but Alex felt herself start to tremble. She wanted to kiss Olivia one more time, but she knew she shouldn't push her luck.

Alex walked home with her headphones on, just as Olivia did. They lived in opposite directions, but Alex still felt as if she was close to her. She put on a song about falling for a girl because it reminded her of Olivia. Alex knew it was a long shot, but she refused to give up hope that Olivia was falling for her too.


	4. Your Body Is A Wonderland

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews or, as I like to call it, fic love. Sorry if this chapter is a little fluffy, but I figured the girls deserve some happiness every now and then.**

"_One pair of candy lips and your bubble gum tongue."_

It had been five days since Alex had kissed Olivia for the first time. She wished those five days would have been straight out of a romantic comedy, complete with picnics, long walks in the park, and plenty of kisses. Unfortunately, that was far from her reality. Olivia still kept to herself at lunch and she still went to the abandoned basketball court after school instead of spending time with Alex. Alex followed her there all five days, but each day Olivia would become upset and tell her she should leave. They had kissed once during the week, but Alex wondered if it was only because Olivia wanted to shut her up. She didn't smile after the kiss or even make a comment and when Alex tried kissing her again she pulled away.

It was a little before midnight on Friday and Alex was having a hard time falling asleep. She could have done something productive but her homework for the weekend had already been finished and all ofthe boxes in her room had already been unpacked. She decided to go online and see if any of her friends were on AIM. Sarah had given her Olivia's screen name and she was surprised to see that the two of them were online.

**BBaller03: **Alex, what are you doing up?

**SnickerDucky85: **Hey Sarah. I can't sleep. Ugh. You?

**BBaller03: **Just talking to Olivia. Her bday is in 5 minutes.

**Ohlivveeyah: **Don't remind me.

**SnickerDucky85: **What's with your screen name, Olivia?

**Ohlivveeyah: **Some girl on my basketball team in 7th grade didn't know how to say my name, so I spelled it like that and it kinda stuck.

**SnickerDucky85: **You're so cute.

**Ohlivveeyah: **Not really. I have to go now. Goodnight.

_Ohlivveeyah has signed off._

**BBaller03: **At least you got her to say something to you.

**SnickerDucky85: **Why is she like that? I care about her so much,

**BBaller03: **Problems at home. That's all she'll tell me.

**SnickerDucky85: **I want to be there for her. I want to help her.

**BBaller03: **I know something you don't know.

**SnickerDucky85: **That's mature.

**BBaller03: **It's after midnight now, which means it's Olivia's birthday. Her mom is at some conference in Connecticut and she isn't going to be home until Monday. Olivia is going to have the whole apartment to herself until then.

**SnickerDucky85: **So?

**BBaller03: **She's home alone right now and I know she isn't sleeping. Leave your parents a note saying that you're spending the night with me. I'll cover for you.

**SnickerDucky85: **No. Too risky.

**BBaller03: **You'll score major points for taking a risk and you'll definitely get more kisses. Don't you want to kiss Olivia?

**SnickerDucky85: **As crazy as it sounds, I'd do anything to kiss Olivia.

Sarah gave Alex Olivia's address and she immediately started to pack. She thought an overnight bag would be too obvious. Besides, what if Olivia didn't let her spend the night? Instead, she packed some sweats and a sweatshirt that she could wear as pajamas, but double as clothes for when she came back. She grabbed Olivia's beanie from next to her pillow and put it on. Alex would never admit it to Olivia, but she had slept with her olive green beanie every night since she had given it to her. It was a way for her to feel close to Olivia, but tonight she would be even closer to her. Instead of dreaming about Olivia and clutching her beanie, she'd actually be able to fall asleep next to her. With that in mind, she quickly wrote a note to her parents about staying at Sarah's and slipped it under their bedroom door.

It was after one in the morning when she had finally gotten to Olivia's apartment. She would have gotten there sooner had she not gotten lost on the subway and then taken an alternative route because she felt like she was being followed by some sketchy guy.

Alex stood outside of Olivia's door for a few minutes before finally having the nerve to start knocking. She contemplated going home, but she figured she might as well stay since she had come so far. Besides, Alex wasn't in the mood to endure that semi-long journey again.

Olivia answered the door in blue pajama pants and a white tank top and Alex's eyes started to bulge when she noticed that Olivia wasn't wearing a bra.

Instead of saying hello or asking what she was doing there, Olivia pulled Alex inside and started to kiss her. Alex dropped her tote bag on the floor so she could wrap her arms around Olivia. She didn't know how long Olivia was going to be in the mood to kiss, so she was going to enjoy it for as long as she could.

"Happy birthday," Alex told her shyly.

"You're the best birthday gift anyone could ever give me," Olivia said and kissed her one more time.

Alex wanted to know who this girl was and what she had done with the Olivia that she was used to.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked and Alex was relieved to see that she was still smiling.

"I was in the neighborhood," Alex shrugged. Olivia then grabbed her by the hand and led her to the couch. Once Alex had taken off her jacket, Olivia laid down and urged Alex to cuddle up to her. The trip to Olivia's apartment had seemed like an eternity and Alex was relieved that Olivia was letting her rest her head on her chest.

"Nobody has ever treated me the way you do," Olivia admitted.

"I find that hard to believe," Alex said.

"People usually just give up on me," Olivia told her. "But you don't."

"Of course I don't," Alex said and started smiling.. "I just realized something right now. On this day in 1985, the world became a better place because you were born."

"Try telling that to my mom," Olivia said. She averted her eyes and Alex knew there was more to that statement than Olivia wanted to let her believe.

"Why?" Alex asked.

"She doesn't love me," Olivia admitted. Alex saw the tears start to pool in the corner of Olivia's eyes. She was afraid to say anything to Olivia for fear that she would say something wrong like she always did. She had already come so far with Olivia and she didn't want to upset her again. Instead, she started kissing her now tear-stained cheeks.

"You're wearing the beanie," Olivia said and attempted to smile.

"I'm going to wear it every time I see you," Alex told her.

"Except during the summer?"

"Even in the summer." Alex admitted. She was thrilled that Olivia had even asked about her wearing it in the summer. She assumed that must have meant something significant. Olivia Benson actually wanted her around for that long.

"Can I tell you a story?" Alex asked and Olivia nodded. "Once upon a time, there was a girl in Framingham, Massachusetts who was content with her life. Then, her parents forced her to move to New York. She hated it at first because it was so big and nothing like her beloved Framingham or even Boston. Then something happened that changed her life forever; she saw Olivia Benson and, for the first time in her life, she knew what it was like to have a crush on someone."

"You can't stop there," Olivia said. "How does the story end?"

"It never does," Alex told her. "We're going to keep adding to it."

"I'm adding to it now," Olivia insisted. "When Olivia saw Alex for the first time, she had no idea how to react. Once when Olivia was 14, she went to the beach and was taken aback by the size of the ocean and how significant it was. She felt her heart start to race and for the first time she felt connected to everything; to the earth, the universe, other people, just everything. It was the most beautiful and overwhelming feeling she had ever felt until she kissed Alex. And that's how she feels every time she kisses Alex. She feels so connected to things like songs on the radio and romantic comedies and boys at school who kiss their girlfriends after scoring the winning touchdown or shooting the winning free throw. Olivia had never wanted to feel that before and now that she does, it feels great but at the same time it scares her. She's afraid of what she'll feel next and that's why she pushes Alex away sometimes."

Alex sensed that Olivia was afraid of saying something more and she wanted to tell her that whatever intense emotions Olivia was feeling, she was feeling them too. There was something about Olivia that made Alex abandon the girl that her friends and family had known for the past 16 years. She was out of her shell and she enjoyed it. Alex was afraid of how big the city was, but she snuck out in the middle of the night and braved the confusing subway system just so Olivia wouldn't be alone. It was going to take a while to break down all of the walls around Olivia's heart, but she knew she was getting closer each time.

"I wish it was St. Patrick's Day," Olivia said out of the blue.

"Why?" Alex asked.

"You'll be 17 and I'll be able to make you mine."

That was all the confirmation Alex needed. She really was getting closer and she was willing to take as many risks as she had to if it meant she'd be Olivia's girlfriend.

Alex and Olivia shared a few more chaste kisses before falling asleep right there on the couch. Alex's head was still resting on Olivia's chest and Olivia's arms were still wrapped around Alex. They had the whole apartment to themselves and they could have given in to other urges, but that was the last thing on their mind. All Alex wanted was to fall asleep to the sound of Olivia's heartbeat and all Olivia wanted was to know that someone was there for her.


	5. Neon

**A/N: Thanks so much for the fic love. Your comments really cheered me up. Now, on to some more Alex/Olivia time.**

"_It's not my place to hold her down and it's hard for me to take a stand when I would take her anyway I can."_

Alex woke up the next morning with her head still on Olivia's chest. She had planned on going home, getting dressed, and then going over to Sarah's for Olivia's party, but she just couldn't get herself to leave. Instead, she decided to stay on the couch and cuddle until Olivia woke up. As Olivia was sleeping, Alex took it upon herself to slightly lift Olivia's tank top high enough to expose her belly button. She gently ran her fingertips over the exposed skin and started to revel in the intensity of the moment. Last night, she had been so caught up in seeing Olivia that she failed to take in her surroundings. Now that she had nothing but time, she looked around and noticed how un-welcoming the apartment was. There wasn't a single picture of Olivia on the living room walls or any basketball trophies on display. Alex had only known Olivia for a couple of weeks and she was already proud of her accomplishments. Why wasn't her mother?

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked playfully.

"Feeling your skin," Alex told her. "Do you want me to stop?"

"I don't know," Olivia said even though she started to kiss her. Alex had never been kissed that passionately before and she wasn't sure what she should do next. Was there a particular place she was supposed to touch Olivia? Would Olivia be upset if she tried touching her chest?

"Maybe we should stop," Alex suggested. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she was afraid of how Olivia might react if she touched her in the wrong place.

"Okay," Olivia said. "I'm not ready to..."

"...yeah, me neither," Alex agreed. "We haven't even made out."

"We haven't even made out _yet_," Olivia stressed. "But we will when we're ready. I want to take my time with you."

"You plan on keeping me around?" Alex asked.

"Just until after we have sex," Olivia said and kissed her one more time. "I'm going to take a shower now."

"Okay," Alex told her. "I'm going home. I'll meet you at Sarah's in a couple of hours."

"No, stay here," Olivia insisted. "We're practically the same size. You can shower here and then wear something of mine."

"Anything for the birthday girl," Alex said. The moment she knew Olivia was in the shower, she started dancing around the room. Olivia didn't want her to leave. She wasn't sure how long Olivia's mood was going to last, but she was going to enjoy it for as long as she could.

After they both had showered, Olivia led Alex to her bedroom so they could both pick out something to wear. As Olivia reached for something in her closet, her shirt went up and Alex saw some bruises on Olivia's side.

"Olivia, what's that?" she asked.

"What's what?"

"Those bruises," she said as she gently ran her fingers over them. "What happened?"

"Skateboarding accident," Olivia said and tried to shrug it off.

"A skateboarding accident?" Alex asked, refusing to believe her story.

"Yes," Olivia insisted. "Shawn and I are always trying to outdo each other, especially when it comes to basketball and skateboarding. I was grinding on a rail a couple of days ago and I fell."

"Wouldn't you have scraped your elbow or something instead?" Alex asked. "You wouldn't have bruises on your side."

"You've obviously never been on a skateboard before," Olivia said defensively.

"I _have _and that's how I know you would have been scraped instead of bruised," Alex responded. "Olivia, what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing!"

"Bullshit! I know you're lying to me."

"I'm not lying to you," Olivia insisted.

"Is it your mom?" Alex asked.

"No," Olivia said. Even though she was trying to be calm, Alex could tell her eyes were starting to water.

"Olivia," Alex said softly and tried to hold her close. "Is she hurting you?"

"No!" Olivia said and started sobbing.

"Honey, you're my girl," Alex told her. "I wanna be there for you."

"I'm not your girl," Olivia said angrily.

"Olivia, I'm sorry."

"Just leave, okay?"

"But your party is in a couple of hours. Want me to meet you at Sarah's?"

"No," Olivia insisted. "I think it's best if you just go home. I'll see you at school."

"You're uninviting me to your party?"

"You ask too many damn questions, Alex," Olivia said after she had finally freed herself from Alex's arms. "You can't just leave anything alone. We were fine until you started prying into everything. I like you, Alex. I really like you. You make me feel things I've never felt before, but you can't just enjoy what we have. Every time we're together, you turn it into some kind of interrogation. There are just some things you shouldn't know, Alex, and you have to accept that."

"Okay," Alex said hesitantly. She untied her robe in front of Olivia, but Olivia wasn't even paying attention to what she was doing, which hurt Alex even more.

"I want to look," Olivia told her. "Don't think I don't want to."

"Then look," Alex insisted, but Olivia didn't look. Instead, she sat on her bed and tried hiding her face between her knees. That's when the insults began again. Alex heard everything from "I hate you, Olivia" to "I knew I should have had an abortion."

"Olivia, honey, what are you saying?" Alex asked. She knew she shouldn't have asked another question, but Olivia didn't seem to mind. Instead, she motioned for Alex to sit next to her.

"Does your mom love you?" Olivia asked through her sobs.

"Yes," Alex said hesitantly. "Why?"

"Mine doesn't," Olivia admitted. "And I have no idea why."

"I'm sure she does," Alex said even though she wasn't sure exactly why she had said that. She knew nothing of Olivia's relationship with her mother.

"No, she doesn't," Olivia insisted. "She tells me everyday. I just want to know why she doesn't love me. I'm a good daughter. I do everything I'm supposed to. I've never gotten in trouble at school. I work my ass off around here. On top of that, I'm in the top 15 of our class and I've lettered in basketball three years in a row."

Alex had no idea what to say at that moment. Olivia had opened up to her. She had _actually _opened up to her. Now, she had to think of something to tell her. Should she tell her that she cared about her? Should she try to kiss her? Should she say something comforting? There were so many things Alex could have said at that moment, but without thinking she asked Olivia yet another question.

"Just tell me, Olivia. Is your mom the one who gave you those bruises?"

"Get out of here, Alex," Olivia said angrily.

"Olivia–"

"Get out!" she insisted. "I don't want to see you anymore!"

Alex put her sweats on and left as quickly as she could. She wanted to cry, but she held back her tears until she reached her apartment.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" her dad asked.

"I'm fine, Daddy," Alex said and hurried to her room. She made sure to lock the door so nobody would disturb her.

When she knew she had privacy, Alex finally let herself cry. She had no idea what she should be feeling at that moment. Even though they were strict, Alex was suddenly grateful for her parents, but being grateful for her parents made her feel guilty. She realized that some people weren't as fortunate as she was, Olivia in particular. She wanted to believe Olivia's bruises were from falling off of her skateboard, but she knew it wasn't true. She wanted to do something–anything–for Olivia, but she knew there was nothing she could do. She knew she could care about Olivia and be her girl, but that wasn't enough. Alex just couldn't imagine someone not loving Olivia. When Alex looked at Olivia, she saw a beautiful and talented young woman. She wanted to know what Olivia's mother saw when she looked at Olivia and why she saw her that way. Alex wondered why she just couldn't love Olivia. Even though she had only known her for a short time, Alex was finding it hard _not _to love Olivia.

She wondered what Olivia was doing at that moment. She hoped she had stopped crying and that she was getting ready to go to Sarah's place. She wanted to call Sarah and ask if she had heard from Olivia, but she knew if she were to call it would only worry Sarah and cause more grief for Olivia.

As she was debating what she should do, her phone started to ring.

"Hello?"

"It's Olivia. Do you want to go to Sarah's?"

Alex wanted to tell her there was no doubt about wanting to go to Sarah's. She imagined Olivia blowing out 17 candles on her birthday cake and having a frosting fight with Shawn. She imagined her laughing and smiling and leading Alex to a secluded place so they could kiss. Then, she imagined what was most likely to happen. Olivia would probably kiss her once and spend the rest of the night either ignoring her to be with Shawn or becoming upset with her over one thing or another. As much as she wanted to be with Olivia, she wasn't ready for a repeat of this morning.

"I'm going to stay in tonight," Alex said and hoped it wouldn't break Olivia's heart.

"Oh," Olivia said sadly and then hung up.

Instead of crying, Alex turned on her computer and went online hoping that her friends from Framingham were available for one of their chat room sessions. She knew the conversation would be superficial, but she felt like that was exactly what she needed.


	6. City Love

**A/N: Thanks for the fic love! I hope everyone had a lovely weekend. Now, let's start the week with some Alex/Olivia time. :)**

"_It's the kind of thing you only see in scented, glossy magazines and I can't remember life before her name."_

Alex had spent her entire weekend in her room, crying over her situation with Olivia. She had tried to talk to her friends from Framingham but, as always, they were no help. Amber had told her to sleep with Olivia and then cut her loose. She gave Alex an entire speech about sexual tension and how all she wanted to do is have sex with Olivia, anyway, so she might as well do it and get it over with. Her other friend Ashley said she was stupid for talking to Olivia to begin with and she should just sever all ties to Olivia before Olivia had the chance to hurt her even more. She then called Olivia an attention whore and said she was nowhere near good enough for Alex. That was the final straw for her. She signed off of AIM and decided to talk to Sarah who had an entirely different opinion of her situation. She told her not to give up on Olivia and that all the hell she was going through would be worth it someday because Olivia was feeling something intense for her. Sarah then told her that she had to take things slow with Olivia and go at Olivia's pace. Alex wanted to tell Sarah about the bruises, but she felt as if it wasn't her place to say anything. She assumed Sarah knew and, if she didn't, there was probably a reason Olivia wasn't telling her.

Alex had wanted her mom's advice, but there was no way she could ask without giving away everything she had been doing with Olivia. Even though their "relationship" wasn't sexual, just the fact that Alex had even kissed anyone was cause for her to be grounded. She also knew her mom wouldn't buy into Alex insisting this was happening to a friend or someone she knows. Alex felt as if all of her friends were either irrational or biased and the one person who could actually give her good advice would probably ground her and not let her see Olivia for another month.

Olivia wasn't a popular girl, but she had a core group of close friends and Alex made it her goal to seek out Olivia's _closest _friend that Monday morning. She had a feeling it might backfire on her if Olivia found out, but Alex didn't care. What happened on Saturday had stayed on her mind and she was determined to find out the truth.

"We need to talk," Alex said as she approached Shawn's locker before school.

"Nothing good has ever started with a chick saying that," Shawn teased, but the look on Alex's face told him it was time to be serious.

"I need you to tell me about Olivia," Alex insisted.

"She's not banging any other chicks, if that's what you think," Shawn said and Alex rolled her eyes.

"She's not banging me either, Shawn."

"Is that your problem?"

Alex wanted to slam her head against the locker. As much as it'd hurt, she had a feeling it would be less painful than talking to Shawn.

"Do you and Olivia like to skateboard?"

"Yeah," Shawn told her. "Olivia sucks at skateboarding, though. We both feel as if surfing might be a better fit because water must hurt less than concrete. She fucking bruised the hell out of herself the other day. I have pictures and everything. She was showing them off to me like battle scars. Whenever one of us gets hurt from falling off our board, we take pictures and show them off to each other. Last year, she thought she had won when she scraped her knees, but I took the title when I almost broke my neck. It was awesome."

How almost breaking your neck could be considered awesome had completely stumped Alex, but she had finally gotten the answers she needed.

"Thank you so much," Alex said and gave Shawn a hug. It was unexpected, but she was thrilled that Olivia had told her the truth and Shawn had confirmed it.

Alex had intended on talking to Olivia at lunch but Olivia had opted to sit with Shawn instead of the girls. During their lunch period, Alex noticed Olivia wink at her so she assumed everything must be okay. Alex hated to admit it, but her happiness was starting to depend on Olivia and her moods were starting to shift with Olivia's. It was unhealthy, but she couldn't stop feeling for Olivia and wanting to be a part of her life.

Her intentions were to go straight home after school, but Olivia approached her after school and the smile on Olivia's face made Alex forget all about her plans for going home early and getting a head start on her homework.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said and gave her a hug. "I just felt so vulnerable."

"It's okay," Alex told her even though she had no idea if she should dismiss Olivia's behavior.

"Shawn told me about your talk. You don't give up, do you?"

"No, but I probably should."

"Don't," Olivia insisted. "Please? I'll tell you everything eventually, but right now isn't the time."

Alex couldn't get any words to form, so she opted for giving Olivia a kiss on the cheek.

"What are you doing today?" Olivia asked.

"Homework," Alex responded, hoping she could actually stand her ground. "How about you?"

"Showing you around the city," Olivia said matter-of-factly.

"What?"

Olivia starting smiling again. "I think I owe you a real date."

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't resist Olivia's smile and, within minutes, she was on a tour of New York City. Alex had expected to see the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, Times Square, and anything that tourists would want to see on a trip to the city. However, Olivia insisted that she wasn't that kind of tour guide. Instead, she showed Alex _her _city, the parts of New York that tourists never care to see.

"I'm showing you my world," Olivia told her. "I know you hate the city, but I want to show you that it's not always what you see in movies. There's more to it than that."

Their first stop was a tree in the middle of a park. There were other trees near it, but Olivia chose that particular tree to show Alex.

"This is the first tree I ever climbed," she told her. "When we were little, Shawn and I used to pretend this was a jungle and we were monkeys who lived in the trees. We'd stay out here until the sun went down. You see that branch right there? I tried swinging like a monkey and I fell off of it. Luckily, I didn't break any bones and because we were wearing thick jackets I didn't even get scraped."

Alex couldn't help but smile when she imagined a miniature version of Olivia climbing trees and swinging like a monkey. That moment, she laced her fingers with Olivia's and she could have sworn Olivia started to blush.

Their next stop was the place that she and Shawn would go to skateboard. Alex saw the infamous rail she would unsuccessfully grind on. She urged Olivia to be careful, but Olivia just started laughing. She told Alex how she's the only girl who hangs out there and if she starts caring about her safety, the guys would all tease her endlessly.

"Shawn and the guys will call me 'needle dick'" Olivia informed her.

"Olivia, you're a _girl_. Your anatomy is different," Alex pointed out.

"I know, but that's just an insult we toss around to each other. After the time I did an Airwalk, my friend Rick said if I wore a strap-on, I'd only wear a big one."

"What's a strap-on?" Alex asked.

"You're cute," Olivia said.

"No, really. What is it?"

"I'd rather show you instead of telling you," Olivia said and started kissing Alex. Alex wanted to enjoy the kiss, but she hated not knowing something. As Olivia was kissing her, she made a mental note to research strap-ons.

Alex's tour continued with dinner at Olivia's favorite pizza place followed by the rooftop of a building where she and Shawn go to when they want to drink, talk about life, or drink while talking about life.

"I don't want to be just a tourist," Alex said as they were sitting on the roof.

"You want to be a permanent resident?"

"Of your world? Yes," Alex said.

"You already are," Olivia told her. "That's why we should get to our next destination."

Olivia grabbed Alex by the hand and led her to their next destination. They had to take a subway to get there, but Alex felt a lot safer now that she was riding a subway with Olivia instead of by herself. Even though there were a dozen other people near them, Alex felt as if she was all alone with Olivia once her arms were wrapped around her.

Alex noticed that Olivia had taken her to the same street corner where they shared their first kiss.

"Recognize this place?" Olivia asked.

"Vaguely," Alex teased.

"New York is such a beautiful city, but out of everything I've seen, this is my favorite place and the place that means the most to me. No matter what happens in life, this will always be the place where we shared our first kiss."

"I like you," Alex said, well aware of how juvenile she sounded.

"I like you, too," Olivia told her. "And there's only one more month until you're mine."


	7. 83

**A/N: Thanks again for all of the fic love and adds to fave stories and story alerts. I'm kind of sad that we've already approached the halfway mark in this story. This chapter is a little shorter than the others, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.**

"_I've these dreams of walking home, home where it used to be. And everything is as it was, frozen in front of me."_

Alex had spent nearly every waking moment of the past few days by Olivia's side. She had wanted to ask what had come over Olivia, but she feared that would jinx everything. Instead, she decided to enjoy Olivia's company for as long as she could. They had yet to actually make out with each other, but their kisses were becoming more frequent and increasing in intensity. Sometimes she had no idea what to say to Olivia. She wanted to tell her that she loved her, but she knew it was too soon. "I like you" wasn't enough, so she wondered if love really was the next step.

Alex had gone to one of Olivia's games and, when Alex insisted on going out to celebrate, Olivia took her to the same abandoned court that she always went to. It wasn't what Alex had in mind, but she was thrilled when Olivia passed the ball to her and told her to shoot a free throw. The ball dropped a few feet in front of the hoop and instead of laughing Olivia held her close. She told Alex that she was going to teach her how to shoot and even though she'd rather spend that time kissing Olivia she was glad that Olivia was letting her even more into her world. After two hours of failed attempts, Alex was finally able to sink a free throw. The kiss she earned for her accomplishment gave her an idea. For every shot that was nothing but net, Alex would give Olivia a single kiss. By the end of the night Olivia had received nearly 50 kisses from Alex. She had wanted 50 more, but Alex had to be home by a certain time and she knew if she would break curfew her parents wouldn't let her go out anymore. So Olivia walked her home and made sure that Alex made it to her door on time. If she was late, Olivia was already preparing how she would explain everything to Mr. and Mrs. Cabot. Before Alex went inside, Olivia stole one more kiss. Alex could have sworn she felt that kiss for the rest of the night. She went to bed with the taste of Olivia's chapstick on her lips.

She had stayed up late last night fantasizing about Olivia. She fantasized about Olivia asking her to be her girlfriend, Olivia asking her to move in with her when they were in their 20s and then Olivia asking her to be her wife. She started imagining their monogram towels and sending out Christmas cards signed Mrs. Alexandra and Olivia Benson. When she woke up the next morning, it dawned on her that her fantasy life would most likely not come true, so she got out of bed and prepared to face a new day.

By seven in the morning, she had already showered and put her make-up on. Her parents were still asleep so she scribbled a note for them on a piece of paper and prepared to see Olivia. Olivia usually woke up early to play basketball, so Alex knew exactly where to find her. She tucked her apartment key in the pocket of her tote bag and put Olivia's beanie on, but as she was about to leave she saw Olivia standing by the door to her building.

"Do you trust me?" Olivia asked without even giving Alex a chance to greet her.

"Yes,"Alex said nervously.

"Don't ask any questions," Olivia instructed. She pulled out a bandana from her back pocket and used it as a blindfold for Alex.

"Olivia, why are you blindfolding me?"

"Alex," Olivia groaned. "You're already asking questions. Just trust me, okay, sweetheart?"

"Okay," Alex said. She was too caught up in the fact that Olivia had called her 'sweetheart' to even care about what was going to happen next.

Olivia started leading Alex around the city. Alex heard the usual hustle and bustle of New York and she knew she must look foolish with a bandana covering her eyes. People were staring, but Olivia kept leading her to an unknown destination.

"There's a reason I'm doing this, babe," Olivia told her.

There it was: two terms of endearment in less than half an hour. Alex was a goner.

"I'm going to take your blindfold off now," Olivia warned. When it was removed, Alex adjusted to the light and saw that they were now at Penn Station.

"Olivia!" Alex gasped.

"I bought us two tickets to Boston," Olivia informed her. "I figured we could spend some time there and then take the commuter rail to Farmingtown."

"Framingham," Alex corrected even though there was no need to. Olivia knew the name of Alex's hometown and she loved making fun of it.

"So, you'll go with me?" Olivia asked.

"Yes!" Alex said excitedly. "Of course I'll go with you!"

"That's my girl," Olivia said proudly. "Or–not my girl yet. You know what I mean."

To save her the embarrassment of being tongue-tied, Alex kissed Olivia in front of everyone.

"As much as I love kissing you, we have to stop," Olivia said after prying her lips from Alex's.

"Why?" Alex asked.

"There's a minor detail," Olivia said hesitantly. "I forgot to tell you our train leaves in five minutes."

Without wasting another second, Alex and Olivia hurried to find their train and they weren't relaxed until they were safely sitting inside. Alex took a seat next to Olivia and rested her head on her shoulder. They had a long trip ahead of them and Alex wanted to spend the whole time cuddling with Olivia.

"Let me pay for my half," Alex insisted once they were situated. "I know those tickets must have been expensive."

"It's okay," Olivia told her. "I used my birthday money."

"Olivia," Alex said softly. "You didn't."

"I did and I know it'll be worth it," Olivia began. "I'm 17-years-old and this is the first time I'm leaving the city. I had to get out and I know you want to go to Boston and Framingham, so I figured there's no better and _cuter _tour guide than you."

"What if I had said no?" Alex asked.

"I knew you wouldn't," Olivia admitted. "And I know you're feeling something just as intense as what I'm feeling. I just don't know what to call it."

"Neither do I," Alex said and laced her fingers with Olivia's. "But I know it's real."

"It has to be," Olivia told her. "I've let you into my world and I want you to let me into yours. I want to see the city that built Alex Cabot. I want to see the tree house in your backyard, the places you'd hang out at with your friends, everything."

"I love you–your...your shirt," Alex stammered and immediately started to blush. She knew her last couple of words were a horrible cover-up, but the sound of Olivia laughing put her ease.

"I love your shirt, too," Olivia responded. "I love your shirt very much."


	8. 3X5

**A/N: Thanks again for the fic love. As always, suggestions are welcome and I have definitely taken some into consideration. This chapter is a lot longer than the others, but I just couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoy Alex and Olivia's trip to Boston. :)**

"_Today I finally overcame trying to fit the world inside a picture frame."_

The train ride to Boston was long, but Alex had spent the whole time holding hands with Olivia and talking about anything that came to mind. Most of their conversation topics were trivial but they enjoyed themselves nonetheless.

During the last half an hour of their train ride, Alex started planning their itinerary. Their train ride ended at South Station in Boston and they were immediately going to take the commuter rail to Framingham so Olivia could see Alex's hometown. Alex had wanted to spend more time in Boston, but Olivia mostly wanted to see places that were important to Alex instead of the usual tourist attractions.

"So, this is Farmingtown," Olivia said as they got off of the commuter rail and walked to a bus that would take them to Alex's neighborhood.

"It's not much, but it's home," Alex told her. "I want you to meet Ashley and Amber. Those are my two best friends."

Alex pulled her cell phone out of her purse and decided to call Ashley first.

"Alex?"

"Hi!" Alex said excitedly. "I'm back home for awhile. What are you doing?"

"You're in Framingham?" Ashley asked. "No way! Come over. Are you with the 'rents or did you come by yourself?"

"I'm with Olivia!" Alex told her. "She surprised me this morning with two train tickets. I really want you and Amber to meet her."

"You're with Olivia? Sorry, Alex, we can't," Ashley said even though it was obvious why she couldn't meet up with her. "

"Why?"

"We're going shopping in Natick. Olivia is used to Manhattan. Our beloved Natick Collection will bore her."

"Olivia doesn't mind," Alex pointed out. "She's not here to see tourist attractions. She wants to see places that are important to me and the Natick Collection is definitely important to me."

"Yeah, but we're going with Eric and Doug and there's not enough room in Doug's car," Ashley told her. "I mean, it's a double date and you know how Eric and Doug are. They're our boyfriends and we love them just like you're our friend and we love you, but you can't bring a girl on a date, Alex. Amber and I don't care if you're gay, but don't be flaunting your...gayness...you know? You can't have a healthy relationship with a girl. It's going to end horribly and you're going to get hurt. You've never even had sex, Alex. What if you just think you like girls, but when you have sex you realize how gross it is? We're just worried that Olivia will try to kiss you or something while we're at the mall and people will start staring. They'll look at us, Alex, and what if people start thinking that Amber and I are gay, too?"

"First of all," Alex began to say, but she changed her mind when she remembered she was with Olivia. "You know what, it's not worth it. Ever since I've come out I've been ridiculed for being a lesbian. What hurts the most is when I'm being ridiculed by someone who I thought was my best friend. Your world is so small, Ashley. I can't believe I was once happy here. I live in New York now and even though Olivia and I have our problems I'm so grateful that I know her. She's opened my eyes to so many new things and we've already shared so many experiences. I've become a better person with an open mind and you're still here, Ashley. You have a Type A boyfriend who is exactly like you're father. He doesn't give a damn about you. All he cares about is your image and your upbringing. He's just the first boyfriend in a string of the many cookie-cutter guys you're going to date until you find the one you'll marry. The two of you will become just like your parents and then have children who will grow up to be just like you. It'll never end for you, Ashley, but it has ended for me. I mean, I live in _New York_. It's amazing there and not only that but I have Olivia. She's the most amazing girl I have ever met and I–"

"Let her go," Olivia whispered and started kissing Alex's neck. When Alex was distracted, Olivia grabbed Alex's cell phone and hung up on Ashley.

"Babe!" Alex said. "You hung up on my best friend!"

"Do you mind?" Olivia asked.

"No."

"Anyway, you're calling from a cell phone," Olivia pointed out. "If she calls back, just tell her you lost the signal and if she doesn't call back, well, then you know. I just didn't want you to say something you didn't mean."

"But I meant it," Alex told her. "Especially the part about you being the most amazing girl I've ever met."

"Let's go to your tree house," Olivia suggested.

Fortunately for the girls, Alex's childhood home was still on the market so they were able to sneak into the backyard and climb the ladder to the treehouse. It would be considered trespassing, but Alex didn't care. All she wanted was to show Olivia her treehouse. The decorations had all been taken down along with everything else that had once made that place feel like it belonged to Alex. She took a look around at the bare walls and started to cry.

"Come here," Olivia said and motioned for Alex to sit next to her.

"This doesn't feel like home anymore," Alex admitted once Olivia was holding her close.

"It'll always be your home," Olivia told her. "Even though it doesn't look the same, you still have your memories. Why don't you tell me what it used to look like?"

"No," Alex said softly. "It's not the same. I can't believe I thought everything would be the same. I'm so stupid. I packed everything up, why would it be the same?"

"You're not stupid," Olivia said and started wiping Alex's tears.

"It's just time to leave childhood behind. I'm almost 17."

"There are some good things about leaving childhood behind," Olivia pointed out.

"Like what?"

"Like this," Olivia said and started to kiss her.

"And this," Alex said and got on top of her. Olivia looked up as Alex pulled her sweater over her head and placed it next to them. She then leaned over and placed Olivia's hands on the back clasp of her bra. Olivia nervously fumbled with the clasp for a few seconds before finally unhooking it.

"You're so beautiful," Olivia said as she tried to memorize the way Alex looked in that moment.

"I'm sorry there's not much there," Alex said and averted her eyes. "I'm lacking in that department."

"Alex, you're not lacking in any department," Olivia insisted. She nervously smiled at Alex who in turn started blushing. She laid next to Olivia and Olivia started to awkwardly caress Alex's breasts.

"Can I touch you?" Alex asked. Olivia nodded, assuming Alex was going to touch her the same way she was touching Alex. Instead, Alex undid the button on Olivia's jeans and moved her hands down the front of Olivia's panties. She felt a patch of short, soft curls and then continued moving her hand lower until she felt Olivia's wetness. She had never touched another girl there; she'd never even touched herself there. This is _Olivia_, Alex kept telling herself. Alex tried to remain calm, but the longer she touched Olivia the more she felt overwhelmed. Her breathing became heavy and she felt her entire body start to tense.

"Maybe we should stop," Olivia suggested. "I don't want things to go too far, at least not yet."

"But you're wet," Alex pointed out. "So wet and soft and...warm."

"Alex," Olivia said and started smiling. "I don't think I'm ever _dry _around you. Trust me when I say I want you as much as you want me. Physically, I'm ready to make love to you every moment of every day, but emotionally we aren't ready. It'll be even better if we wait until we're both ready. It'll be so _intense_."

"Olivia?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Can I put my sweater back on? I'm really cold."

"That's probably a good idea," Olivia told her. "Looking at you topless is making it hard for me to hold back, especially when your hand is still down my pants."

"Sorry," Alex said and started blushing. She slowly removed her hand and licked Olivia's wetness off of her fingertips.

"Don't do that," Olivia groaned. "You're making it even worse."

"But you taste so good," Alex insisted. "I'm tasting Olivia Benson. I don't think I'll ever get over that."

"You say it like it's a privilege," Olivia told Alex as she was putting her sweater back on.

"It is," Alex responded. "I want to know everything about you, Olivia. Not just what you taste like, but what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what makes you tick."

"Lately, what I've been thinking and feeling all relates to you," Olivia admitted.

"I could say the same thing," Alex said and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Tell me about Shawn and basketball and what's on your mind right now."

"Shawn and I have similar home lives," Olivia began. "Then again, we don't. He has it worse, but if you ask him he'll say that I have it worse because neither of us like to really think about what we go home to. My mother is a saint compared to his, but that's all I should tell you. I don't want to betray his trust. He won't even tell Sarah and she's his girlfriend. The two of us protect each other in every way we can. He's not a very smart guy, but he's great at football. He was the only freshman to make varsity and this is his third year on the team. His coach says he's going to be a millionaire someday. Boston College already scouted him and offered him a full ride if he plays for their football team. That's why Shawn and I are so devoted to sports. He loves football and I love basketball, but our sports are also our ticket out of our homes and life with our moms. I have a big game coming up and there are going to be scouts there watching me play. There'll be some from Boston College, Boston University, and U Conn, just to name a few. Will you be there?"

"Of course," Alex said. "I never miss any of your games, babe."

"I won't be as nervous if I know my best girl is there."

"Your best girl?" Alex asked with a raised eyebrow.

"My _only _girl," Olivia corrected and kissed Alex again.

"That's better," Alex said. "What's your dream school?"

"Probably Boston University," Olivia responded. "Even though Shawn and I would be going to rival schools."

"Ahh, the Boston University Terriers," Alex said excitedly. "I have an idea."

"Do I even want to know what's going on in that brain of yours?"

"Let's go to BU," Alex responded. "I think we're done with Framingham."

The girls took the bus back to the station and took the commuter rail to South Station in Boston.

"It's easy to get there," Alex told her. "From here at South Station, we take the Red Line to Park Street and then the Green Line 'B' Train to Boston University. It literally drops us off right across the street."

"You really do know this city," Olivia said and kissed Alex in the middle of the station. While they were on the subway, Olivia held Alex as close as she could. She loved what being in Boston was doing to Alex.

"I'm hoping to go to Harvard," Alex informed her. "I'll be in Cambridge, which is right next to Boston. Even though we'll be at different schools, we'll still be close to each other, babe."

"You're getting ahead of yourself," Olivia told her. "But I love it...and you."

"And me, what?" Alex asked.

"Nothing," Olivia said. "I'll tell you later."

Alex spent the next hour giving Olivia a tour of Boston University and the surrounding locations. They stopped at a nearby store and Alex insisted on buying a BU shirt for Olivia. Olivia slipped the shirt on over her black thermal and Alex came back carrying a Boston Terriers beanie. She put it on Olivia and stepped back to admire her handiwork.

"Perfect," Alex said. "You look so hot."

She ripped the tags off of the beanie and shirt and led Olivia to the cash registers. Olivia offered to pay, but Alex insisted it was a late birthday gift.

Alex and Olivia hurried back to South Station and barely made it to their train on time. They had a long ride back to New York, but it went by faster than they had expected. The two of them spent the whole time talking to each other about college, favorite TV shows, and anything else they could think of.

That night, when Alex got home, she took down her pictures of Ashley and Amber and placed them in a drawer. Next were her pictures of Framingham and the Boston skyline. Alex was now finished living in the past and she was ready to embrace her new home and her new life.


	9. Love Song For No One

**A/N: Happy Monday, everyone! Thank you so much for the fic love and I hope you enjoy the Alex/Olivia goodness. :)**

"_Searching all my days just to find you."_

Alex's friends from Framingham had tried to contact her a couple of times since the day she had gone to Boston with Olivia, but she refused to talk to them. Their pictures were still tucked away and, in their place, were pictures of her and Olivia that were taken during their trip. Alex's favorite picture was one of her kissing Olivia's cheek, but that one had to be kept in a special hiding place for the time being. Even though her 17th birthday was quickly approaching, Alex's parents were still against her dating anyone. She was always fascinated by the way her parents approached the topic of dating in two completely different ways. Her dad was perfectly accepting of his daughter being a lesbian, but he told Alex that he would view teenage girls who wanted to date his daughter the same way he would view teenage boys; as horny perverts who only want one thing. Alex told him she was aware of what that one thing was and all he could manage to say was, "Alexandra, you better not give it to them." Alex's mom would ask her about "young women" and if she had crushes. Alex knew she had more than a crush on Olivia, but there was no way she would admit that to her mom. Instead, she told her about a girl named Olivia on the basketball team whom she thought was gorgeous. She mentioned nothing about hanging out with her on weekends or even sitting together at lunchtime. When her mom asked if she wanted to date Olivia, Alex said probably not because she didn't think Olivia noticed her. It was all a lie, but she was afraid of the consequences of her dating Olivia behind their backs.

Alex had spent the past two hours doing her homework in the living room while watching _TRL_ when she heard a knock at the door. Both of her parents were already home and they weren't expecting any visitors, so Alex was surprised when she heard someone knocking. She set her Trigonometry book down and looked through the peephole of the door. She started smiling uncontrollably when she saw that it was Olivia standing on the other side. Alex quickly opened the door and, without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around Olivia. She knew she was being paranoid, but she made sure the door was shut behind them so her parents wouldn't be able to see them in the hallway together.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I just wanted to give you something," Olivia responded.

"You came all the way over here to give me something? You didn't want to save yourself the trip and give it to me at school tomorrow?"

"The gift is really just an excuse to see you even sooner," Olivia admitted. She pulled a CD case out of her jacket pocket and handed it to Alex.

"What's this for?" Alex asked as she started reading the song titles.

"When we were going to Boston, you told me you always wondered what I listened to when I had my headphones on and I never gave you an answer. I decided to make you a mix CD of some of my favorite songs instead of just telling you what I listen to."

"I'm going to keep this on perma-play in my stereo," Alex said right before kissing Olivia.

"That kiss was worth coming all the way over here," Olivia said and started smiling. The moment she saw Olivia smile, Alex couldn't help but kiss her again.

"I'm getting closer to 17 each day," Alex told her.

"I can't wait," Olivia admitted. "I'm going to make you mine the moment you turn 17, even if it means coming over here at midnight."

"And you won't live to see 17 if you don't tell me what's going on," Alex heard her mom say angrily.

"Mom," Alex said nervously. She tried to gauge her mom's reaction, but she couldn't. Her biggest fear was becoming a reality. She was less than three weeks shy of her birthday and now she'd never get to spend time with Olivia gain. She knew she should say something else, but no words were able to form.

"Mrs. Cabot, we can explain," Olivia began.

"How much did you see?" Alex asked.

"Everything," Mrs. Cabot responded. "Alex, who is this girl?"

"This is Olivia," Alex informed her.

"Olivia Benson, ma'am. Pleased to meet you," Olivia said and held out her hand. She pulled away when she finally realized Alex's mom wasn't exactly thrilled to meet her.

"So, you're the famous Olivia," Mrs. Cabot said in a condescending tone.

"Mom, please," Alex pleaded. "Can we just talk about this later?"

"No," Mrs. Cabot told her. "When I see my daughter canoodling in the hallway with some girl, I think it's my right to know more about her."

"That sounds fair," Olivia said, hoping it would earn her some points with Mrs. Cabot.

"What are your intentions with my daughter?" Mrs. Cabot asked a very confused Olivia.

"I...don't...know," Olivia stammered.

"Are you a virgin?" Mrs. Cabot asked.

"Yes," Olivia answered quickly.

"Is my daughter?"

"Yes," Olivia repeated.

"Do you want to have sex with her?" Mrs. Cabot asked.

"No," Olivia responded. Unfortunately, her response sounded more like a question than an answer.

"No?" Mrs. Cabot asked. "Are you attracted to her?"

"Yes," Olivia answered nervously.

"Mom!" Alex said, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"I was just teasing her," Mrs. Cabot said and started laughing. "Olivia, you seem like a sweet girl and quite the looker, too. No wonder my daughter has a crush on you."

"Alex told you she has a crush on me?" Olivia asked and started smiling.

"She thinks you're gorgeous," Mrs. Cabot told the now blushing Olivia.

"Mom," Alex groaned.

"I would say I'd leave you two girls alone, but I know you're just going to start shoving your tongues down each other's throats. What are you doing for dinner, Olivia?"

"I was just going to have some frozen pizza," Olivia responded. "My mom teaches a 7-10 class tonight."

"Frozen pizza is nowhere near good enough for a growing girl," Mrs. Cabot said and put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. "You're joining us for dinner tonight. I'm sure my husband will be thrilled to meet you. He was worried about Alex not making any friends. Just don't tell him you two have crushes on each other. I'm okay with you girls liking each other and kissing each other, but my husband is a different story. This is so exciting. My little Alexandra is growing up and liking girls."

"This is so embarrassing," Alex told Olivia once her mom had left to find Alex's dad. "I'm so sorry about my mom."

"Don't be sorry. I think she's really sweet," Olivia told her and gently squeezed her hand. "You're lucky."

"Olivia, I didn't mean to–"

"Babe, you don't have to apologize," Olivia insisted. "Just because I don't have a good relationship with my mom, it doesn't mean you have to feel bad about having a good relationship with yours."

Alex tried to sneak a quick kiss, but she heard her father and mother start to approach the living room. She felt herself start to tense up. She was pleasantly surprised by her mom's reaction to Olivia, but she knew her father was a different story. He was adamant about Alex not having a girlfriend or even dating anybody until she was 17. She knew he viewed every teenage girl that took an interest in his daughter as nothing more than a pervert and he would probably see Olivia the same way. Alex and Olivia were interested in more than a physical relationship with each other, but there was no use trying to convince Mr. Cabot. Alex was his pride and joy and he didn't think anyone was good enough for his princess.

"Daddy, this is Olivia," Alex said nervously. "She's my friend from school."

"Pleased to meet you, sir," Olivia said and shook his hand.

"Aren't _you_ a well-mannered young woman," Mr. Cabot said. "And absolutely stunning."

"Thank you," Olivia said nervously.

"Dinner won't be ready for an hour," Mr. Cabot told them. "I'll let you two go to Alex's room. If you're anything like the friends Alex had in Framingham, I know you're going to want some privacy to gossip and do whatever it is teenage girls do."

"Come on, Olivia, let's go to my room," Alex said a little too eagerly.

"Not so fast, you two," Mrs. Cabot said. "Why don't you two come to the kitchen with us while I make dinner? That way we can get to know Olivia a little better."

"Fine with me," Olivia said, but Alex was starting to become frustrated. She wanted Olivia all to herself.

Alex, Olivia, and Mr. Cabot sat down around the kitchen table while Mrs. Cabot started making dinner. "I'm making spaghetti. It's Alex favorite," Mrs. Cabot said and smiled at her daughter.

"I'm learning something new about her every day," Olivia said.

"Tell us something about yourself, Olivia," Mrs. Cabot insisted.

"There's not much to tell," Olivia said. "I'm 17 and a junior at the same school as Alex. I get pretty good grades and I'm an excellent basketball player. This is my third year on the girls' varsity team."

"Oh, so you love basketball?" Mr. Cabot asked.

"It's my heart and soul," Olivia admitted. "I've been playing since I was five."

"I played some basketball myself when I was young," Mr. Cabot informed her. "I was going to be the next Pistol Pete, but I gave it all up for the woman I love."

"Frank, stop lying to her," Mrs. Cabot told her husband. "You played on the freshmen team for one month before you quit."

"I quit because basketball interfered with our time together," Mr. Cabot told his wife.

Mrs. Cabot just shook her head and started laughing. "Honey, you quit because one of the boys shoved you in a locker after practice."

"He shoved me in that locker out of jealousy because you were going to the Valentine's dance with me instead of him," Mr. Cabot told her.

"You two have been together that long?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"Ever since we were in the 9th grade," Mr. Cabot responded. "I proposed to Jolene at our junior prom and we were married the week after graduation."

"And nine months later, there was our little Alexandra," Mrs. Cabot said.

"We struggled at first, but I think we're doing alright now," Mr. Cabot told Olivia. "I can't imagine my life without these two beautiful women. My biggest hope for Alexandra is that she someday finds the same kind of happiness."

"She will," Olivia said and smiled at Alex. "I'm sure she'll find someone who loves everything about her and wants nothing more than to spoil her. Alex is so caring and beautiful. Any girl would be lucky to have her."

"Well, whoever this girl is, she better wait until Alexandra turns 17," Mr. Cabot said sternly.

"Yes, sir," Olivia responded without thinking.

"So, that's what this is about?" Mr. Cabot asked. "I knew Jolene was up to something."

"I was up to absolutely nothing, Frank," Mrs. Cabot said and winked at her daughter.

"I have a crush on your daughter, sir," Olivia said nervously. "And I'd like to take her out on a date when she is allowed."

"Where do you plan on going?" Mr. Cabot asked.

"I was thinking of dinner and a movie," Olivia responded. "I'll have her home at a decent hour and I promise to treat her with the utmost respect and–"

"Olivia," Mr. Cabot interrupted. "I'd be honored for you to date my little princess, but it's not just up to me. It's also up to–"

"Daddy, yes!" Alex said excitedly. "My answer is yes. I want to date Olivia!"

"I meant it's also up to my wife, but I guess Alexandra's answer is just as important," Mr. Cabot said and ruffled his daughter's hair.

"I see no problem with Olivia dating Alexandra," Mrs. Cabot said. "Olivia is the kind of girl I always hoped our daughter would find."

"Same here," Alex admitted and stared dreamily at Olivia.

"But you two aren't dating until her birthday," Mr. Cabot reminded them.

Alex blew a kiss to Olivia the moment her parents weren't looking. She wished it would have been a real kiss, but she didn't mind waiting. She was just glad that her parents liked Olivia and approved of the two of them dating as soon as Alex turned 17.

Alex's parents spent the rest of the evening getting to know Olivia and she was thrilled when they asked questions about Olivia's interests and future plans instead of questions about Olivia's family life. Olivia was smiling and laughing more than Alex had ever seen her do before. Olivia fit in so well with Alex's parents and she began to imagine what it would be like if Olivia were to be more than her girlfriend. She wanted a marriage like the one her parents had and she wanted it with Olivia. She imagined herself marrying Olivia right after graduation and having an apartment together while she was at Harvard and Olivia was at BU. She'd spoil Olivia every morning with breakfast in bed and make love to her every night. She wanted Olivia to know what it was like to come home to someone who loves her and wouldn't dream of hurting her or berating her.

"Alex?" Mrs. Cabot said. "Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Alex said, coming out of her daze.

"I have to go now," Olivia told them. "It was a pleasure meeting you two. Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Cabot."

"The pleasure was all ours," Mrs. Cabot told her.

"You can come over anytime," Mr. Cabot said to Olivia. "Just no sex or anything even close to that with my daughter."

"I will, sir. I mean, I won't," Olivia responded. "I won't have sex with your daughter."

"Daddy!" Alex said, embarrassed.

"Frank, don't embarrass the girls," Mrs. Cabot said.

Alex's parents left the two of them alone so Alex could say goodbye to Olivia. She took this opportunity to lead Olivia outside and hold her close.

"What's this for?" Olivia playfully asked.

"For being so perfect," Alex responded.

"You're the only one who thinks so."

"No way," Alex told her. "My parents are already big fans of yours."

"I'm a big fan of theirs too," Olivia admitted. "I'd love to have a marriage like theirs someday."

"Same here," Alex said and kissed Olivia.

After a few more kisses, Olivia slowly pulled away and insisted that it was time for her to go home. Alex stole one more quick kiss before returning to her living room and daydreaming about her future with Olivia.


	10. Back To You

**A/N: Thanks for the fic love, everyone. Here's a fluffy little chapter that I hope you all enjoy. :)**

"_Leave the light on, I'll never give up on you."_

Alex hadn't seen Olivia since the night she met Alex's parents. She had tried to call her, but Olivia refused to take any phone calls. Alex assumed Olivia was upset with her until Sarah called her last night and explained Olivia's pre-championship game ritual. For the third year in a row, Olivia was playing in the championship game and for the third year in a row, she was cutting herself off from everyone. Every waking moment was being devoted to practicing for the game. She went to class, got her 8 hours of sleep, but everything else was put on hold so she could practice. Time spent with friends or time spent talking on the phone was considered counter-productive because she could use it to practice instead. Sarah told Alex that Olivia was the best player on the team, but she never thought she was good enough no matter how much she practiced. She then told Alex that Olivia was even more stressed out this year because of the scouts that were going to be there. With that in mind, Alex thought of a plan to de-stress Olivia. Instead of waking up at her usual time, she woke up at 4 a.m. so she could get dressed and make her way over to Olivia's before school. Olivia's mom taught an early class that morning, so Alex knew Olivia would be alone by the time she got there. Her plan was absolutely fool proof and she was proud of how sneaky she had become.

She made it to Olivia's apartment in record time and was thrilled to see Olivia still in her pajamas when she answered the door.

"Alex?" she asked still half-asleep. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to de-stress you," Alex responded. "Your big game is today and I figured you–"

"No," Olivia said sleepily. "How are you so damn perky at this hour?"

"Because I'm with you," Alex said and started smiling.

Olivia grabbed Alex by the hand and led her to her room. "Sleep with me?" she asked.

So many thoughts began running through Alex's mind. Did Olivia really just ask her to do that? "Olivia, that isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to de-stress you," Alex said nervously. "Besides, I thought you said we weren't ready to have sex."

Alex became even more nervous when Olivia laughed at her last statement. "I wasn't asking you to have sex," she said. "I was asking if you would sleep next to me."

"Oh," Alex said, relieved. "I'd love to."

Not wanting to wrinkle her clothes, Alex stripped down to her underwear and climbed in bed next to Olivia. She began smiling uncontrollably when Olivia wrapped her arms around her and pulled her as close to her as she could. Alex wanted to face Olivia but Olivia made her face the other way so she could delicately kiss Alex's back and shoulders.

"Your skin is like silk," Olivia said as she continued to kiss Alex's shoulders.

"Olivia?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I want to do this every day."

"So do I," Olivia told her. "I want that more than anything."

"I love you," Alex whispered after a few minutes, but when she turned around she saw that Olivia was already asleep.

When Alex woke up, she looked at the clock and saw that it was already a little past noon. They had slept for six hours and her plans for making breakfast for Olivia had been ruined. Even worse, they had already missed the majority of their school day.

"Babe," Alex said as she gently kissed Olivia's cheek.

"Is it time to get ready for school?" Olivia asked.

"We're a few hours too late for that," Alex pointed out. "It's already 12:15."

"It can't be," Olivia said, frustrated. "I was supposed to practice before school and during lunch and I missed that."

"It's okay," Alex insisted. "You're exhausted, babe. You needed to rest. You've practiced so much already and you know you're the best player on the whole team."

Never one to take a compliment, Olivia rose from her bed and grabbed some clothes and underwear. "I'm getting in the shower," Olivia said and kissed Alex on the cheek. "You better be here when I get back."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Alex admitted to a now smiling Olivia.

A few hours later, Alex took a seat on the bleachers next to Shawn and was absolutely mortified when she saw her parents walk in the gymnasium. She had hoped they would find somewhere else to sit, but they took it upon themselves to sit behind Alex and Shawn.

"Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?" Alex groaned.

"We came to watch Olivia," Mr. Cabot told his daughter. "We know it's only a matter of time before she's your girlfriend and this is our way of welcoming her to the family. Plus, we want to see if she's as good as you say she is."

"The parental units came to watch your girlfriend play?" Shawn asked Alex. "That's pretty chill."

"Your girlfriend?" Mrs. Cabot asked.

"She's not my girlfriend yet," Alex insisted.

"And she better not be," Mr. Cabot reminded her. "Not until you're–"

"I know, Dad. Not until I'm 17," Alex said, frustrated.

"Or else?" Mr. Cabot asked.

"Or else I'll be forced to wear a chastity belt and be absolutely forbidden to have a girlfriend until I'm 40," Alex recited. "I know, Dad."

"Not exactly," Mr. Cabot insisted. "The chastity belt is going on the moment you turn 17, regardless. No one is doing anything inappropriate to my little girl."

"Daddy!" Alex said, embarrassed.

"And who is this?" Mrs. Cabot asked so her husband would stop embarrassing Alex in front of her friend.

"This is Shawn," Alex said.

"Pleased to meet you," Shawn said and shook Mr. and Mrs. Cabot's hands. "And don't worry, Olivia is a respectable chick and a decent person. She's not boning your daughter or anyone else. She's still a cherry."

"Thank you, Shawn," Mrs. Cabot said hesitantly. "That was very...informative."

"Glad I could help," Shawn responded.

Alex looked around the bleachers and picked out the scouts' locations. It wasn't difficult for her; they were the only people with clipboards and they began taking notes once the game began. Alex knew so much was riding on this game and she became nervous the moment Olivia set foot on the court.

Sensing her daughter's nervousness, Mrs. Cabot started to rub Alex's shoulder. "She's going to do great," she reassured her.

It wasn't just the championship that Alex cared about; Olivia's future plans–_their _future plans–were also on the line. If Olivia played a good game, the scouts from Boston University would recruit her and they'd still be near each other after high school. Alex didn't know exactly how or when she should bring it up, but she wanted Olivia to get an apartment with her if she went to Harvard and Olivia went to Boston University. Their schools would only be a few miles apart from each other and she figured they would find an apartment somewhere in the middle, but it would only happen if they both worked hard enough for it. Even if Olivia got recruited by Boston University, Alex would have to do her part and maintain the GPA required for her to get into Harvard. Even if she didn't get into Harvard, she figured MIT, Boston University, or Boston College would be just as acceptable. It actually didn't matter what school she went to as long as she could be near Olivia.

The score kept going back and forth and Alex was nearly biting her nails when the other school was ahead during the entire second quarter. Sarah and Olivia were at the top of their game, but that didn't prevent Shawn and Alex from having to comfort each other. Without thinking, she began gripping Shawn's hand.

"I thought you were gay," Shawn teased. Alex rolled her eyes at him and quickly let go.

By the end of the fourth quarter, they were down by one point and there was only thirty seconds left on the clock. Olivia had the ball and Alex was ready for her to sink yet another free throw, but surprisingly she passed the ball to Sarah and Sarah shot the game-winning two-pointer.

"She did it!" Shawn screamed once the buzzer rang. "She actually freaking did it!"

Shawn ran out onto the court to kiss Sarah, but Alex was afraid to even run out to _hug _Olivia. Olivia high-fived a few of her teammates before glancing at Alex. Alex turned back and gave her parents a pleading look.

"We'll let it slide this time," Mr. Cabot told her.

"Thanks, Daddy," Alex said and gave him a hug.

"Stop hugging me and go hug Olivia," he insisted.

Alex quickly made her way over to Olivia and leapt into her arms. Alex's legs were wrapped around Olivia's waist and Olivia accidentally cupped Alex's behind to keep her in place.

Mr. Cabot was shaking his head the whole time, but his wife told him to leave them alone.

"Frank, our little girl is growing up," she reminded him. "She's almost 17."

"I need to let go," he told his wife. "We raised Alexandra the best way we know how and we just have to trust her judgment."

Mr. Cabot was starting to feel at ease until he saw Alex and Olivia kiss each other. It was just one kiss, but Mr. Cabot had seen enough. He made his way over to the girls and tapped Alex on the shoulder.

"Frank!" Mrs. Cabot shouted. "Frank! Don't embarrass her!"

Alex gave him a terrified look. She wished she could hide. She wished she could take back the kiss, but it was too late to do either of those things.

"Hi, Daddy," she said innocently.

"Hi, Mr. Cabot," Olivia said. She was calm until she realized her hands were still on his daughter's behind. She quickly put Alex down and stuck her hands in the pockets of her basketball shorts.

"What were you doing, Princess?" he asked.

"Hugging Olivia like you said," Alex responded.

"And what else?"

"Nothing."

"Alexandra," Mr. Cabot said in a condescending tone.

"We were kissing," she answered nervously.

"We're really sorry, Mr. Cabot," Olivia began. "We were just so caught up in the moment and I promise we won't do it again."

"But you will," Mr. Cabot told her.

"And here comes the chastity belt," Alex said glumly.

"We'll discuss this later," Mrs. Cabot told them. "We aren't going to ruin Olivia's big moment."

"Thank you," Olivia said. "I'll be right back. There's a scout from BU that I'm supposed to meet with right now and I'm so nervous."

"You'll be fine, babe," Alex said and started rubbing Olivia's back.

"What did you say, Alexandra?" Mr. Cabot asked.

"I mean, you'll be fine, Olivia," Alex corrected herself.

"Go meet with the scouts," Mr. Cabot told Olivia. "But come back here when you're finished. We're taking our champ out to dinner."

When Olivia was gone, Alex wrapped her arms around her dad. "Thank you so much," she told him.

"No problem," he said and gave his daughter a kiss on her forehead. "Is she the girl?"

"Yes!" Alex reassured him. "I know I'm only 16, but I love her. It's not puppy love either."

"I know it isn't," he told his daughter. "I loved your mom the moment I saw her and that's when we were freshmen. Sometimes you just know."

"But that doesn't mean we're allowing you to have a girlfriend yet," Mrs. Cabot reminded her.

Alex gave her parents a hug and thanked them yet again. She knew she was going to be in trouble for kissing Olivia, but her parents weren't going to let that ruin Olivia's moment. Her girl's team had won the championship and her parents, of all people, were taking her out to celebrate. Alex knew that was a big step forward.

Once the scouts from BU had left the gymnasium, Olivia came running back to them with a packet in hand.

"They want me! They want me!" she told Alex. "BU wants me!"

"Congratulations!" Alex said excitedly and gave her a hug.

"That's great," Mrs. Cabot told her.

"Thank you," Olivia said, slightly out of breath. "It still depends on my GPA and SAT scores, but if I can get into BU I'm guaranteed a spot on the team and a full scholarship."

"That means you and I have to study like crazy," Alex said as she held Olivia close. "I'm so proud of you, baby."

"I guess I'll let _that one_ slide, too," Mr. Cabot told his wife.


	11. Great Indoors

**A/N: Thanks again for all of the fic love. I'm glad a lot of you enjoyed Alex's parents. Our girls get a little "closer" in this chapter, but there's still a T rating. :)**

"_Scared of a world outside you should go explore, pull all the shades and wander the great indoors._"

Ever since Olivia had given Alex that mix CD, it had never left her stereo. She had the track listing memorized and she already knew all of the lyrics. Most of the songs were sentimental, or at least they were sentimental by Olivia's standards. The more she listened to the CD and analyzed the lyrics, the more she began to wonder if these were the songs Olivia usually listened to or if she had made this CD especially for her. Even if it wasn't made for her, Alex liked to pretend it was.

She hadn't seen too much of Olivia ever since the basketball game and she wondered if it was because of her parents. When the four of them went out to dinner, they began questioning Olivia and she tensed up. Had Alex known they had wanted to ask her questions, she would have briefed them on which topics were appropriate and which topics were off limits. Every topic they discussed at dinner would have made Alex's "off limits" list. Alex was thrilled when they started talking about basketball and the highlights of Olivia's game, but soon they began to ask why her mother wasn't there. Alex noticed Olivia's facial expression change and she went from hurriedly eating her cheeseburger to saying that she wasn't hungry anymore. She told Alex's parents that the reason her mother wasn't there was because she had taught a late class. Alex knew it was a lie, but she assumed Olivia had a reason why she was lying so she didn't call her out on it. Mrs. Cabot, on the other hand, wanted to know why her mother didn't cancel that class so she could see her daughter play in the championship game. She then asked Olivia if her mom had gone to any of her games that season and Olivia told her she hadn't because she was too busy.

When dinner was over, Mr. and Mrs. Cabot had given the girls some privacy, but Olivia left without even giving Alex a goodbye kiss. Alex wanted to think it was because her parents were nearby and she didn't want to get Alex in trouble, but she knew that wasn't the reason. She had a feeling Olivia was having another one of her mood swings and she wanted to know what the cause of it was. She decided to pick up her phone and call Olivia. When Olivia didn't answer, Alex knew she had to see her. Her parents had grounded her, but their punishment had been lifted once she argued that they were in a relationship when they were even younger than Alex so she shouldn't be in trouble for kissing Olivia. She was now free to see Olivia whenever she wanted, but she still couldn't be Olivia's girlfriend. Alex wanted to know their reasoning behind it, but she knew questioning her parents would probably earn her another girlfriend-less year and she couldn't wait another day to be Olivia's girlfriend.

When Alex headed over to Olivia's that day in mid-March, she decided to wear her beanie even though the weather was already starting to warm up. "Just one more week and I'm hers," she thought as she approached Olivia's building.

Olivia answered the door with swollen eyes and a red nose. Without a second thought, Alex entered her apartment and hugged Olivia. She knew Olivia wasn't having a mood swing; something had to have happened to her.

"I'm so glad you're here," she told Alex.

"Me, too," Alex absentmindedly responded. "Do you want to lie down on your bed with me?"

Olivia didn't get a chance to respond before Alex began leading the way. Alex looked around Olivia's room in disbelief. The neatly-organized shelves were now empty, their contents tossed on the floor.

"I know why she hates me," Olivia said once they were lying on her bed.

"Your mom?" Alex asked.

"She never wanted to be my mom," Olivia admitted. "But she was always told that abortion was morally wrong so that's why she kept me."

"But how did she—"

"She was raped," Olivia interrupted. "Some guy raped her and that's how she got pregnant with me. I knew there was a reason why she hated me and now I know why. She says I look like him. Do you think I'll be like him, too? Am I that type of person? Have I ever forced myself on you, Alex?"

"No!" Alex insisted. "Olivia, you've always respected me. If anything, I'm the one who wants to have sex. Do you want to—"

"Do I want to talk about it?" Olivia asked. "No, I don't."

Alex began kissing Olivia's tear-stained cheeks. Olivia didn't want to talk about what her mom had told her and she knew she shouldn't ask any questions. It was something she had learned over time with Olivia. As she rested her head on Olivia's chest and listened to her heartbeat, she started to wonder how Olivia's mom had revealed to her daughter that she was a product of rape. Were they sitting down and having a conversation? Did Olivia ask her about it? Was she angry and yelling at Olivia? She imagined how Olivia must have felt when she found out about this. She was already down on herself and this must have made her feel so much worse.

"Olivia?"

"What, Alex?"

"Nothing."

"It's never 'nothing' with you," Olivia pointed out. She kissed Alex on top of her head and started to gently rub her arms. "You're cold, babe."

"A little," Alex said. She was relieved when Olivia grabbed a nearby blanket and covered them with it. The blanket wasn't enough to reassure Olivia, though. She wrapped her arms around Alex to make sure she was warm.

"Better?"

"Much better," Alex told her. "Are you sure you want company? I know how you prefer to be alone sometimes."

"You're not _company_," Olivia insisted. "You're practically my girlfriend. I'm comfortable with you here. Even if I want to shut out the world, that doesn't include you, Alex. I feel like you're a part of me. You brought something out in me that I can't even begin to explain."

"Olivia?"

"Yes, babe?"

Alex knew she was ready and this was the perfect opportunity for her to finally confess everything she was feeling for Olivia. She had a speech prepared, but she couldn't get the words to form. Instead, there were only three little words that were able to escape her lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Olivia said and kissed her.

"You do?"

"Alex, yes," Olivia insisted. "I've been wanting to tell you that for a long time."

"So have I," Alex confessed. "I'm so in love with you. It's like I do everything with you in mind."

"Like?"

"Like, I've already planned our life together."

"Tell me about this life," Olivia said, tightening her hold on Alex. "I want to know everything you have planned."

"I want us to get an apartment together when we're in college," Alex began. "I can't imagine living apart from you after high school. There's this really nice neighborhood we can live in. It's away from all of the undergrads and there are other young couples there. We'll fit in perfectly. I keep imagining going to all of your games and then making mad, passionate love after every victory."

"Just after every victory?" Olivia teased.

"No," Alex insisted. "We're going to make love every night and every morning and after every victory and even after every loss."

"I like the way you say that."

"What?" Alex asked.

"Instead of saying you want us to have sex, you're saying you want us to make love," Olivia told the beautiful blonde who was now looking deeply into her eyes.

"Because it's not just going to be sex with us," Alex informed the now smiling Olivia.

"I know, babe," Olivia began. "It's only been a few days since my mom told me how I was conceived. Because of what happened to her, my mom has such a negative attitude toward sex, but I don't want to be like that. I want to know that it can be beautiful and meaningful and it can actually be between two people who love each other."

"Like us?" Alex asked.

"Like us," Olivia insisted.

"I want to make love to you," Alex said softly. She had lost the quiver in her voice and she was more certain about this than she had ever been about anything before.

Olivia didn't need to respond. She pulled Alex in for a deep kiss.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Alex asked, just to be certain.

"Yeah," Olivia told her. "Are you?"

"Yes," Alex said.

Alex and Olivia didn't know whether to undress each other or undress themselves so after debating back and forth, they decided to undress themselves. Their clothes ended up piled on the floor. As they were standing up, completely naked in front of each other for the first time, Alex moved the arm she was using to hide her breasts and the hand that she was using to cover her most private area. "This is me," she nervously told Olivia once her body was fully exposed. She wished she could have said something more articulate, but she was too busy looking at Olivia. She had looked at an issue of Playboy once and she had seen pictures of naked women, but this was the first time she had seen an actual girl naked and standing right in front of her. She looked at the patch of dark curls on Olivia's private area. She wasn't waxed like the women in the magazines and her chest wasn't a D-cup. Alex noticed that Olivia's breasts were still developing, just like hers were. Alex and Olivia weren't perfect, but it didn't matter because they knew they were perfect for each other.

Alex made her way over to Olivia and started to kiss her. Olivia gripped Alex's waist with her hands and firmly pressed herself against her so there was no space in between their naked bodies.

"Bed?" Alex asked, unable to form any other words than that single syllable.

"Yeah," Olivia responded after another minute of nibbling on Alex's neck.

Neither of them knew exactly what they were supposed to do, so they decided to just go with what felt right. They began touching each other's bodies, but their touching was more of an awkward fumbling. They paid too much attention to each other's breasts because they were nervous about touching each other anywhere lower.

"I love you," Olivia told her. "It's okay if you touch me, Alex. If I'm not comfortable with something you're doing I'll tell you and I want you to do the same for me."

"I love you, too," Alex responded. "And, okay, I will."

Alex started clutching the sheets when Olivia began to taste her. She had never imagined anything could feel so wonderful. She wanted to taste Olivia, but Olivia insisted on waiting until Alex had climaxed. She felt her whole body start to tense up. She knew what she was experiencing with Olivia would bring them closer together but she was still nervous about tasting her. She worried about being grossed out or not knowing what to do, but she soon learned that there was no need for her to worry. She loved the way Olivia tasted and she also loved the way she could get Olivia's body to respond to every movement of her tongue.

"What do I taste like?" Alex asked once they were cuddling.

"I don't know," Olivia told her. "But I like it. What do I taste like?"

"It doesn't really have a flavor," Alex responded. "It's just…I don't know. I can't describe it, but I love the way you taste."

Alex didn't know what came over her, but she gently ran her finger along Olivia's opening. She then placed her finger on Olivia's lips and watched as Olivia slowly sucked her own wetness off of it.

"That's you," Alex said. She tried to be confident, but she couldn't stop herself from blushing.

"Don't blush," Olivia teased. She then did the same thing and watched as Alex slowly licked her own wetness off of Olivia's finger. "That's you, Alex."

"I love you so much," Alex said and started kissing Olivia.

The girls cuddled for another hour before Alex realized it was time for her to leave. Her parents would be waiting and she didn't want to do anything to upset them. While walking home, she tried to hide her excitement, but she couldn't help it. After making love to Olivia, Alex began seeing the world differently. She saw beauty in things she had never seen beauty in before and she couldn't stop herself from smiling.

"I love Olivia Benson and I'm going to marry her someday!" Alex randomly shouted out when she was approaching her building. To her misfortune, her dad was outside talking to their neighbor and he had heard everything his daughter had just said.

"Alexandra!" Mr. Cabot called out. "You better not have a girlfriend. I don't care if it's one week before your birthday."

"I don't have a girlfriend, Daddy," Alex insisted. She further avoided her Dad and their neighbor and went inside so she could call Olivia. It had been less than half an hour since they had seen each other, but Alex already missed Olivia and she had to hear her voice.


	12. Not Myself

**A/N: Happy Monday everybody and thanks again for all of the fic love. Our little tale here is nearing the end and I'm feeling kind of sad about that, but never fear there is still one more chapter after this. :)**

"_Suppose I said, you're my saving grace."_

It had been no more than a couple of hours since Alex and Olivia had lost their virginity to each other and Alex was eager to tell someone. It wasn't her intention to brag, but she couldn't hold in her excitement any longer. She wondered whom Olivia would tell and if she was even going to tell anybody. She had wanted to tell Sarah but she figured she should leave that to Olivia because she was more Olivia's friend than hers. Telling her friends from Framingham was out of the question. She hadn't talked to them since her trip with Olivia and she knew they'd be grossed out by any detail that she would give them. Instead, Alex decided to call the one person she could trust with all of her secrets: Olivia.

"Hello?"

"Olivia?"

"Alex?" Olivia asked excitedly. "I didn't think you'd call this soon."

"Of course I would," Alex teased. "I wouldn't take your virginity and then not call you."

"Did you call me because you want to make love again?" Olivia asked hopefully. "I wouldn't mind."

"Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"I saved myself for you," Alex admitted. Her hands started to shake and she had no idea why she felt the urge to tell Olivia all of her secrets.

"I saved myself for you, too," Olivia responded, not quite sure what Alex was trying to tell her.

"No, Olivia, I saved myself specifically for you. It's as if I already knew you existed even before I moved to New York." The awkward silence following her confession made Alex wish she hadn't made herself so vulnerable. "I—I don't know…nevermind. It's stupid."

"Nothing you say is stupid," Olivia insisted. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Alex said nervously. "I have to go. See you at school."

Alex felt like an idiot the moment she hung up the phone. She had wanted to tell Olivia that she had always dreamed of finding the right girl and saving herself for that right girl. She didn't know Olivia herself existed but she knew the idea of Olivia existed and they would find happiness with each other someday. She just never imagined her being as beautiful as Olivia.

Alex couldn't stop smiling when she thought about Olivia and what they had just experienced with each other. She had expected losing her virginity to hurt—and it did for awhile—but Olivia was so gentle with her. When she was in pain, Olivia gently removed one of her fingers and started kissing her to take her mind off of the discomfort. Olivia had actually been inside of her and she had been inside of Olivia. When she was inside of Olivia, she felt so connected to her. Olivia may have a tough persona, but Alex learned that she could be just as delicate as any other girl.

Alex couldn't take it anymore; she got up from her bed and decided to find her mom. She knew her parents' rules about sex, but Alex needed someone to talk to and she knew she couldn't talk to Olivia or her friends. She needed to talk to a woman and her mom was the only woman she trusted with this matter.

She made her way over to the living room and found her dad watching TV. Alex knew asking questions would make her dad suspicious so she decided to sit down with him until her mom came home. Alex tried to focus on the TV show her dad was watching, but she couldn't stop tapping her foot.

"Alexandra, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Alex responded nervously. "Where's mom?"

"She's having coffee with one of her friends," her dad said.

"Well, do you know when she'll be back?" Alex asked. "I really need to talk to her."

"Anything you can tell your mom, you can tell your old man," Mr. Cabot said. "I'm just as cool as your mom."

"Sorry, Daddy, but I really need to talk to mom about this."

"Did you start your period?" Mr. Cabot asked. "Princess, that's completely natural and it happens to every woman. All it means is—"

"Dad!" Alex said, frustrated. "I'm practically 17. I started my period years ago."

"Is this an underwear thing?" Mr. Cabot asked his embarrassed daughter. "You know how I feel about thong underwear. It leads to infections and it's just not appropriate for a girl your age. Maybe if you were 30 or—"

"Dad! It's not an underwear thing," Alex insisted. "You know I love our talks, but I really just need to talk to a woman."

The two of them went back to watching TV and Alex tried to concentrate on whatever it was her dad was watching but all she thought about was what she was going to tell her mom and why she even wanted to tell her. She knew her mom was going to think differently of her now, but she hoped she wouldn't be upset or disgusted with what Alex did with Olivia. Alex thought making love to Olivia was a beautiful thing, but she knew not everyone would feel the same way. She just had to get this off of her chest because if she didn't tell her mom she knew she would feel guilty and wonder if her mom was trying to figure something out about her.

"Mom!" Alex said excitedly when her mom walked into their apartment. When she ran to give her a hug, Mrs. Cabot knew something was up.

"What did I do to deserve this greeting?" Mrs. Cabot asked as she held onto her daughter.

"I need to talk to you about something," Alex said. "In private."

"Whatever it is, Jolene, it's extremely urgent," Mr. Cabot told his wife. "Alexandra has been waiting impatiently for over an hour now."

When Alex and her mom sat down on Alex's bed, Mrs. Cabot began looking around her daughter's room. The pictures of her friends from Framingham had been taken down and, in their place, were pictures of Olivia. There were pictures of her in her uniform, pictures of her on her skateboard, and pictures of the two of them holding each other. She knew her daughter had it bad for Olivia and it scared her that Alex was falling so fast. Alex would always be her little girl and she was worried about her getting hurt.

"So, what's so urgent?" Mrs. Cabot asked her daughter who was now lying flat on her bed.

"It's about Olivia," Alex began.

"What about her? You two seemed like you were getting along just fine."

"We are," Alex said. "Better than just fine. Olivia and I—Olivia and I…"

"You and Olivia…what?"

"Olivia and I had s—Olivia and I made love to each other," Alex finally managed to say.

"Oh," Mrs. Cabot said, completely shocked.

"Say something," Alex urged. "Yell at me, punish me, anything."

"Okay," Mrs. Cabot said hesitantly.

"Mom!" Alex pleaded. "Your only daughter just lost her virginity and she needs someone to talk to."

"This isn't easy for me, Alexandra."

"It's not easy for me either," Alex told her. "Mom, I had _sex_ for the first time."

"And my _daughter _had sex for the first time," Mrs. Cabot said defensively. "That's very…scary…for me."

"And it's scary for me, too, Mom," Alex insisted. "I was naked in front of someone for the first time. I gave myself to someone for the first time. Olivia was inside me, Mom. She was moving inside me and I was moving inside her. No offense, but I think I win."

"You're right," Mrs. Cabot said nervously. "You do win. So, tell me…"

"I didn't think anything in the world could feel that good," Alex said excitedly. She was smiling until she noticed her mom was becoming uncomfortable. "Mom, what's wrong?"

"I don't want you to be that excited about it," Mrs. Cabot told her. "I'm not ready for my little girl to be a woman and have the same urges that I do."

"Mom!" Alex said, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Mrs. Cabot finally started to laugh, which put her daughter at ease. "Was it Olivia's first time, too?"

"Yes, which is why it was so special," Alex told her. "We were both trembling at first and we had no idea what we were doing, but it felt right. It's not the way it is in movies where everything is perfectly choreographed. Olivia and I were awkward and there was even a moment when we both started giggling because we didn't know what we were supposed to do next, but it didn't matter, Mom. Our goal wasn't to have an orgasm even though we both did—"

"Alexandra!"

"You didn't let me finish," Alex pointed out. "Even though we both had an orgasm, that wasn't the reason why we had sex. We really just wanted to make love to each other and make each other feel good."

"So that orgasm was a surprise? You really didn't want one?" Mrs. Cabot asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Okay, I did," Alex admitted. "But we weren't overly excited and ripping each other's clothes off. We were making love."

"Making love?" Mrs. Cabot asked. "You're supposed to be her girlfriend first and then you make love."

"But she's gorgeous. How could I wait?" Alex told her mom. "Olivia makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. It's like whenever Olivia kisses me, even if it's a quick peck, I feel that sensation throughout my whole body. I'm so in love with her."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Mrs. Cabot admitted. "I don't want you getting hurt. You don't have to have sex with every girl you date, Alexandra."

"I'm not dating anyone after Olivia and I never dated anyone before Olivia," Alex told her. "She's my soulmate and I'm going to be with her forever."

"You're so young, Alexandra," Mrs. Cabot said as she messed up her daughter's hair. "But I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm not going to tell your dad about this. It'll be our little secret."

"Thank you so much," Alex said and hugged her mom. "I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart," Mrs. Cabot told her daughter. "But you aren't getting away with this. I'm really glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me about having sex with Olivia and I hope we can have other talks in the future, but that doesn't change the fact that you and Olivia have been physical with each other behind my back. You know we have no secrets in the Cabot household."

"No secrets other than you not telling Dad that I lost my virginity?" Alex asked.

"No secrets other than that," Mrs. Cabot responded. "It's for his own good. I don't want him to have a heart attack. As for your punishment, no more having sex with Olivia."

"Just Olivia?" Alex asked to get a rise out of her mom.

"You know what I mean," Mrs. Cabot said, frustrated. "The next time the two of you have sex better be after she's your wife. You tried it once and you got it out of your system."

Alex couldn't help but laugh. She knew making love to Olivia definitely wasn't something she could just get out of her system.

"Is something funny, Alexandra?" Mrs. Cabot asked as she started laughing along with her daughter.

"You're so bad at this," Alex told her. "You don't know how to punish me."

Mrs. Cabot took some time to gather her thoughts before revealing Alex's fate. "You're grounded until the end of the school year. You can still be Olivia's girlfriend when you turn 17 and you can still call her on the phone, but that's it."

"Can I kiss her?" Alex asked.

"On the lips, and only the lips," Mrs. Cabot told her. "I don't want you coming home with so many hickeys that I mistake you for a leopard."

"Tough, but fair," Alex said. She tried not to look too happy for fear that her mother would realize that she let her daughter off easily.

"I'm going to the grocery store, do you want anything?"

"Disney Princess mac 'n cheese," Alex said. "The kind you always get me."

"I bought that for my little princess, my little girl," Mrs. Cabot reminded her. "I won't buy that for the girl on the bed who thinks she's a woman. You can either have Disney Princess mac 'n cheese or round the bases with Olivia, but you can't have both. Which do you prefer?"

"Mom," Alex groaned and buried her face in her pillow.

As soon as her mother left, Alex pulled out her diary and started to write every little detail of what she had experienced with Olivia. It dawned on her that she should have done that to begin with instead of telling her mom. Her mom never would have known and she wouldn't have been grounded. Regardless, Alex knew the punishment wasn't too bad and she got the satisfaction that came with having their first mother/daughter secret. At least she hoped her mother was going to keep it a secret.


	13. St Patrick's Day

"_And if our always is all that we gave and we someday take that away, I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day._"

Ever since they had lost their virginity to each other, Alex and Olivia had been even more inseparable than they were before. They had decided to hold off on having sex again because they didn't want their future relationship to be purely physical. Olivia told Alex that she had planned on being with her forever, which meant they had their entire adult life to have sex. Alex told her mom about the discussion she and Olivia had about holding off on sex and she was thrilled. Alex knew she was in for weeks and maybe months of being sexually frustrated, but she agreed with Olivia's reason for wanting to hold off on having sex again. She loved Olivia and she knew she could only love her more as time went on.

Olivia had told her that she was going to take her out early on her birthday, so Alex decided to go to bed so she could be rested and ready for whatever Olivia had in mind. She was hoping for a romantic day with Olivia, but she knew that wasn't her style. Their day would probably be adventurous as opposed to romantic. Even though she preferred romance, what mattered the most was becoming Olivia's girlfriend. She wanted to officially use a title when she talked about Olivia. She didn't want her to be her "crush" or the girl she was dating. It trivialized their feelings for each other, especially when she spoke to her parents about Olivia.

Ever since she realized she liked girls, Alex had daydreamed about what having a girlfriend would be like. She imagined holding hands and kissing in between classes and that's exactly what she had been doing with Olivia ever since they had lost their virginity to each other. The two of them had tried to hide their sexuality from their classmates until Olivia became fed up with it. Every time they saw a heterosexual couple holding hands at school, Alex would gaze longingly at Olivia and Olivia would just smile at her until one day she worked up the nerve to lace her fingers with Alex's and hold her hand as she walked her to class. They weren't the only lesbian couple at their school, but Alex felt as if holding hands in public was a huge victory for her and Olivia. She tried to be nonchalant so Olivia wouldn't think she was childish, but Sarah and Shawn teased her about how much she was smiling as Olivia walked her to class with her hand in hers. In between classes, Olivia would make time to meet her. Olivia's intentions were to talk to Alex and give her one of their "I'll see you in an hour" hugs, but Alex would always lead her to a secluded place on campus so they could squeeze in at least two or three minutes of make-out time before their next class. Alex felt as if she was in a movie and she wondered if her love life was particularly exciting or if everyone felt the same way when they fell in love for the first time. She told Olivia this and all she did was give her a quick kiss and tell her that she hopes she never changes.

Alex had been asleep for less than two hours when her parents entered her room at midnight carrying a cupcake with a lit candle in it.

"What's going on?" Alex asked, half-asleep. The two of them began singing 'Happy Birthday' to Alex and she tried her hardest not to be embarrassed. She hated when people sang to her on her birthday. She never knew what to do as they were singing. Should she smile? Should she sing along? Instead, she smiled and waited for the song to be over with so she could blow out the candle.

"What did you wish for?" Mr. Cabot asked.

Before she could answer, Mrs. Cabot cut in. "Let me guess, it was something about Olivia."

"How did you know?" Alex asked.

"Because everything you say is about Olivia," Mrs. Cabot teased. "Now, get up and go to the living room. Your gift is waiting."

Alex quickly got up and went over to the living room. She hadn't asked her parents for anything for her birthday, so she was surprised that her parents had actually bought her a gift and were so eager to give it to her.

When she entered the living room, she saw Olivia sitting on the couch, holding a bouquet of roses.

"Liv!" Alex said excitedly.

"Happy birthday," she said shyly.

Alex looked at her parents for approval before going over to Olivia and giving her a hug. "It's okay," Mr. Cabot told her. "You're 17 now and Olivia has been eager to ask you something. She showed up half an hour ago and asked our permission first, like a proper young woman."

The hug from Alex made Olivia completely forget about the flowers she had brought her. She nearly tripped as she went back to the couch to pick them up and give them to Alex.

"These are for you," she said and noticed that Alex was blushing.

"They're beautiful," Alex told her. It was the first time someone other than her parents had ever given her flowers and she was trying to live in the moment as much as she could. She wanted to kiss Olivia, but she knew she couldn't with her parents standing there and watching their every move.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cabot," Olivia said nervously. "Do you mind if I talk to Alex in private? I promise we won't—we won't…"

"We know, Olivia," Mrs. Cabot told her. "We'll give you ten minutes. That's enough time to talk, but not enough time to—well, it is if you're really bad at it."

"Mom!" Alex groaned. "Can we please have some privacy now?"

When her parents left the room, Alex sat on the sofa and motioned for Olivia to sit next to her. She knew exactly what Olivia was going to ask her, but she was curious how she was going to ask her. She knew it wasn't going to be some grandiose gesture, but the fact that Olivia was even asking her to be her girlfriend was enough for Alex. It had been a little over a month since they had first met and Alex realized how they've come such a long way in such a short time. Olivia's mood swings were practically non-existent and she seemed happier. Alex didn't know if it was because of her, but she liked to pretend that it was.

"I had no idea how I was going to ask you," Olivia admitted. "I thought I was going to ask you at school by slipping a note in your locker or taking you to some romantic place, but that's not me. It's not _us_."

"What are we?" Alex asked. "How would you define us?"

"I don't know," Olivia told her. "I've been brainstorming this for the past two weeks, but nothing seemed good enough for you. Sometimes I don't even know if I'm good enough for you, but I know that I love you and I know that you've changed me."

"It wasn't my intention to change you," Alex said softly, her fingertips now brushing the palm of Olivia's hand.

"But you did," Olivia admitted. "And I'm glad you did. I've told you this before, but you're the one person who has never given up on me. I pushed you away so many times; I push everyone away, not just you. I wanted you to know that so you wouldn't take it personal, but I couldn't tell you without telling you everything happening in my life and I wasn't ready for that. I'm still not ready to tell you everything, but I've told you more than I've told anyone, even Shawn. I promise I'll tell you more about myself as time goes on, but some things you aren't ready to know. This might be the wrong thing to say, but I want to protect you from everything because you're the first person I've ever depended on for anything. We've had our ups and downs, but these past weeks with you have been the happiest of my life. I actually didn't know it was possible for me to be happy until the moment you kissed me. I love you so much and I know I'm going to love you even more as time goes on. I can already imagine our future together, but I think we should take the next step."

"Which is…?" Alex asked, well aware of what the next step was.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Olivia asked nervously.

"Yes!" Alex said excitedly. She had already started crying when Olivia was talking, but hearing that question come from Olivia made her cry even more.

"Yes?" Olivia asked to make sure she had heard her correctly.

"Yes!" Alex repeated. "Olivia, I love you, and you know I want to be your girlfriend and so much more than your girlfriend, eventually."

"I'll keep that in mind," Olivia said before she started to kiss Alex. It was their first kiss as girlfriend and girlfriend and both girls wanted it to be special. Their kiss was delicate at first and then Alex parted her lips just enough for Olivia to slowly stick her tongue inside.

"Babe," Alex said shyly, her arms now wrapped around Olivia. "My parents."

"I know," Olivia told her. "That was just…"

"…us getting carried away?" Alex teased. "That's probably going to happen a lot."

"It will," Olivia agreed. "And we're going to make love again when the time is right."

"I think the time is always going to be right," Alex responded, stealing another kiss from Olivia. "I'll never get tired of kissing you."

"You're really going to want to kiss me after I give you your gift," Olivia teased.

"I thought the flowers were my gift?" Alex asked.

"No," Olivia insisted. "That's not good enough for my girl."

Olivia pulled out a gold necklace from the pocket of her jeans and fastened it around Alex's neck. Most girls would have given their girlfriend the necklace inside of a gift box, but Olivia wasn't like most girls. When Olivia was finished fastening the necklace, Alex felt the golden heart pendant against her chest.

"It's beautiful," Alex told her, gently running her fingers across the gold heart.

"Open it," Olivia insisted. "It's a locket."

Alex opened the gold heart to find her favorite picture of Olivia inside. "This is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me," Alex said, trying to hold back the tears that were once again starting to form.

"I have one just like it," Olivia told Alex as she held her close. "Except mine has a picture of you in it. I got these so you can always have me close to your heart and I can have you close to mine."

"And I can have you in my heart, literally," Alex pointed out as she showed Olivia the heart-shaped locket.

"It's been ten minutes," Olivia said sadly. "Your parents will be back any second now."

"Like right now?" Mrs. Cabot asked as she walked in the room with Alex's dad.

"We heard everything," Mr. Cabot informed them.

"Even the part about making love?" Alex asked nervously.

"Even that," Mr. Cabot told her. "And your chastity belt goes on tonight."

"Dad," Alex groaned.

"It'll go on tomorrow then," he teased. "I know Olivia respects you and I heard how much she loves you, so I'll only make you wear it until you're 18 instead of 40."

"Frank!" Mrs. Cabot said and started shaking her head. "Stop giving her a hard time in front of her girlfriend. I can't believe I just said that. My baby has a girlfriend, one I'd consider leaving my own husband for if she was 18."

"Mom!"

"Jolene!"

"Look at her. She's gorgeous," Mrs. Cabot insisted. "You two are such a beautiful young couple and I've never seen my little Alexandra smile the way she does when she's with you."

"This is so embarrassing," Alex muttered when her dad came back with his camera.

Mr. and Mrs. Cabot began snapping pictures of the two of them regardless of how much Alex protested. She tried to smile a fake smile to upset her parents, but being next to Olivia made her smile genuine. They decided to go along with it and smile for as many pictures as her parents wanted to take. Alex knew these pictures were for the 'Alexandra Throughout the Years' scrapbook and she started to imagine the cheesy comments her mom would write on the sides about how her baby now had her first girlfriend.

When Alex's parents put the cameras down, Olivia suggested it was time for her to leave, but Mr. and Mrs. Cabot weren't about to let her roam the streets of New York in the middle of the night. They insisted that she stay there and it didn't take long for Alex to convince her. She had wanted Olivia to sleep next to her in her bed, but Mr. Cabot nearly had a heart attack when Alex suggested that they sleep in the same bed. Instead, the girls pulled out two sleeping bags from the closet and slept next to each other in the living room. They stayed up talking until they knew Alex's parents were asleep. The moment they heard silence coming from the bedroom, Alex pulled Olivia close to her and started to kiss her. They didn't stop kissing until Olivia pointed out that it was now morning, but it didn't matter to Alex what time it was. She pulled her lips away from Olivia's for a few seconds before kissing her again.

It was after 7 in the morning when Alex and Olivia finally fell asleep. They had a long day ahead of them filled with birthday surprises from family and friends, but Alex didn't care. She had already received the gift she had been waiting her whole life for.

The End

**A/N: Thanks so much for the fic love, everyone. It has really meant a lot to me. I'm glad you've enjoyed this little story. Have a happy new year!**


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